Episode 452 – 23/05/22 #TreeOfTrust

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One response to “Episode 452 – 23/05/22 #TreeOfTrust”

1. 

   Mr Fishhead

   May 25, 2023

   “Mr Fishhead do this! Mr Fishhead do that!”

   Woah! Woah! Woah!

   I listen to no one! Not even to the voice of reason.

   I’m Mr Fishhead not a trained seal! Go to the Peterborough Zoo if you want to see animal antics. But beware if you ask the monkeys to dance for you, they may hurl poop at you instead! Dont you know? They have some dignity! They won’t lower themselves for your personal amusement.

   If you must hear the words of a fishhead then I suggest that you head to the Kensington market. Make sure to come on the last Sunday of the month during the summer and fall.

   The very essence of life is here! Much to see in these parts. It should brighten even the most miserable man. Food to satisfy any hunger or drinks to quench any thirst. But don’t be distracted. You have more important things to do. You must explore and find something else…

   Go to the hidden alley, which you will know how to find it by following the scent of the seafood. But ignore the fish mongers trying to entice you with heavenly halibut, tantalizing trout or savory salmon. Keep a quick pace and stroll further down, past all the crates and boxes until you see a old crumbling staircase down a narrow dirty alley.

   Head downstairs and open the heavy oak door. Inside you will see a dimly lit underground room. All manor of rare treasures lay about from the four corners of the globe. Ancient artifacts, scrolls, talismans, tokens and strange objects of unknown origin that I dare not speak of. Even Zellers can’t match such wonders in one place!

   And what’s this?! On a shelf is a few cassettes. The “lost” early episodes of Vocal Minority. They said they were lost in time and space. And one betamax cassette, one of the rarest finds in this world or any other… The ultra rare filmed episode of Vocal Minority. Of course only the beta tape format would do. Everyone knows beta is better, VHS could never contain such marvels. Beta takes it to the max, thats why they call it Betamax!

   But alas! Forget what you saw. It would take more than a kings ransom to purchase such riches of ancient knowledge. Even all the Canadian Tire money in the world would not be enough for a trade.

   Go beyond all that and move toward the old table that seems caked in a thick layer of dust. On that table is a small bell. Ring it three times with conviction! Don’t hesitate!

   From behind a curtain the shuffling sounds of something moving closer can be heard. In the shadows you see a small old man of Asian descent. “What is your pleasure?” He will ask as he slowly stokes his long white beard.

   Demand that he bring you the finest fish head money can buy. If he shakes his head no, then say you were sent from Vocal Minority studios and understand the dangers. Place a lightly used Canadian dollar bill and a fistful of Canadian penny’s on the table. He will laugh, but it seems his laugh hints at a horror to come…

   He will shuffle back into the shadows and while it is only a few moments it seems almost an eternity until he returns. He will place an object wrapped in a parchment with crude and oddly phrased words, or wrapped in the Toronto Sun. Same thing, really.

   Quickly grab it. Don’t delay. Do not even think of unwrapping it! Even if you think he swindled you with a head of lettuce instead of a fish head. Ignore his cackling laughter and don’t look back. Run from that room and vow never to return! Repeat customers will be harshly punished.

   On a long weekend, travel to the deepest woods with the prize carefully bundled. Go past what any rational hiker would go. Through rivers, through mud, through bushes and don’t stop even if the wind seems to prevent you from stepping forward. When you find a large clearing and the forest has gone silent, then you have found the sacred spot.

   Create a bonfire of hemlock wood as the sun sets. As the full moon rises, you can drink your potions if you must. Or perhaps consume your strange herbs and spices. As it turns to midnight carefully unwrap the fish head. Behold the beauty! Few eyes have the fortune to glimpse on such a sight, even fewer lived to tell the tale.

   In one hand raise the fish head to the moon. While your hand trembles with such a holy relic, you must stand firm. In the other hand read the strange words printed on the paper it was wrapped on.

   If it is your fate then the incantations shall stir something in this fish. Gaze deep into its eyes as its mouth opens wide. But I must warn you! When you hear the words from the mouth of madness it might be too much for a mortal soul to comprehend….

   But enough of all that! Let’s get back to business. Do I have to remind you the topic that Vocal Minority occasionally discuss about at times? Yes of course the soccer’s. Of special note the FC’s of Toronto of the league major of the soccer’s.

   Something seems amiss at BMO field. Folks are going on a rampage! Fans are attacking players, players seem upset, people want the head of the coach on a silver platter, others want the front office roasted. It seems a riot is about to take place. The chaos! And what about all the injuries? Look at the list of the fallen, Bradley, Osorio, Vasquez, Coello…

   That name, Coelo of course! The band Toto Coelo reveals the truth in their 80’s hit song…

   I eat cannibal

   It’s incredible

   You bring out the animal in me

   I eat cannibals

   I like the spice Tasty and nice

   Roastin’ vitamin Forget the dietin’

   Mmm such a dish I can’t resist

   Healthy recipe What you got is good for me

   All I wanna do Is make a meal of you

   We are what we eat You’re my kind of meat

   A bad case of cannibalism is afoot at BMO field. I know what you’re thinking. The song, I eat cannibals?! Don’t be silly if you think the truth is hidden in their other song, Dracula’s tango! Come on! It’s hard enough to get monkeys to dance. Don’t believe such nonsense about dancing vampires! A case of vampirism at BMO field it certainly is not. Though if you want to be safe I recommend you eat a garlic sasauge or two before you enter BMO field.

   Of course the cannibalism will eventually run through most of the team. And eventually the academy will be called to fill all the vacancies…

   Now you all know that not one, not two not three but FOUR… yes, four Police Academy movies were filmed in Toronto so it makes sense that they will be sent to the field.

   They have been trained for times like these. I know these band of misfits, outcasts, dreamers and oddball characters aren’t what you expected. But they have the courage when they are faced with tough situations and sent out on patrol to the field.

   As you all know from the original movie they dealt with the riot scene in the area of Toronto’s Kensington market so they are familiar on how to deal with unruly locals. The brave of the Police academy will save the day.

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