Episode 510 – 24/10/07 #TheSlapAround

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1. 

   Mr Fishhead

   October 9, 2024

   This is a long tale that mustt be told…

   As you see the colorful leaves fall and the bright pumpkins that are ready to be harvested, you know what’s coming. Soon it will be the time of tricks or treats. Certainly many will partake in a treat or two, or perhaps two or three, or maybe just a few more. Though some will give discouraging looks at you if you goble them all up not waiting for Holloween. Of course your just trying to be in the spirit of the season.

   Some say this is when spooky adventures are to be had. You are not fearful of places in this town. Whether it be the graveyard or an abandoned old house. They don’t frighten you at all. You are too tough for all that superstition that those of weak minds tremble at. Whether it is a ghost or a goblin your disposition will be unfazed.

   You see, you have seen many horrors at BMO Field. We all know their are many skeletons in the closet at that stadium. Darkness permutates in that place, and word of the strange goings on have reached even Europe. Management has to pay a fortune to get some to come and play in Toronto. Some would rather play in Transylvania.

   And when you think about it, it seems some move on the field with little life. Has a vampire or some evil spirit sucked the life force out of their bodies?

   Just a fortnight ago you went to BMO Field. The supporters told you that they have seen disturbing things. Many were stressed and full of anxiety.

   You did a comprehensive investigation of any suspicious activity. People say this place gives them ominous feelings. Is it paranormal? Well you checked and watched what occurred, and it certainly wasn’t normal.

   But their were no monsters in plain sight. They would get their comumpence if they dared appear before you. But the locals were adamant that they were shocked at what they saw.

   You tried to reassure them that the darkness will soon leave. So with a shout you banished the evil from this place, in the name of all that is good and holy in this world and you cast them all away. And you are certain that it has been purified, since it is the off season. A time of peace and quiet has returned to BMO Field. No more sounds of supporters moaning and groaning as if the dead rising from a grave. No more scenes of supporters rolling their eyes and shaking their head as if pocessed.

   Normally this time of year you would suggest an Octoberfest sausage. But if folks still fear creatures of the night that might wander over there, then they should dine on a garlic sausage or two. If someone gives you a wide berth and recoils from your breath, then you will know the mortal form is just a disguise.

   But you have new business to deal with now. More than one told you of a place you should visit as they look at you with a frown. You decide that you will investigate this place they talk of. Many have excuses to not go, the activities they see are not to their liking. You had plenty of treats this month but now you will see if this is some kind of trick.

   So you near this building and see one leave that new place you were warned about. He seems as if his body was drained of his energy. His steps seem quite laboured. Is this the walk of the damned? Has he escaped from some dark calamity that attempted to destroy him? What evil did he see? Is this the new residence of dark spirits?

   You will bring justice here, it matters not what lays within. You are virtuous and will face this new challenge. You are intrigued at this mystery.

   You enter and see many contraptions set about in a large room. A few have poor fellows that seem to be tortured in them. These poor wretched souls to be placed in wicked machinery that are constructed to inflict suffering.

   One groans as he carries a weight that he can barely stand. Has he been cursed to be a modern Sisyphus? Doomed to be a beast of burden? A woeful fate for this one.

   You avert your eyes for this misery is too much for you to take. The demons responsible for this tragedy must be hiding in the shadows beyond the bright lights of this horrid place. Surely they are gleeful with sadistic satisfaction at this punishment.

   But to say these mortals are innocent would be foolish to say. The path of sinners have sent them down this way. They are not pure of heart. What sins lead them to this morbid penance? Envy, sloth, gluttony, hubris? Perhaps they no longer have memories of their immoral acts but are still compelled to torment themselves forever more.

   And you see her, she smiles with a micheavios grin and beckoned you forward to a room that must be her lair. She doesn’t fool you at all. She is some sinister being intent on some dark plans for the unfortunate. A witch, vampire or a corrupted spirit of some kind? But that figure displayed in tight clothing that tempts carnal desire reveals her true self. This is a succubus that has evil plans for mortal bodies such as yourself. You won’t flee from her, a worthy oponent that must be defeated.

   You enter the room in order to battle this devious being. And you see others that must have been trapped here for who knows how long. She commands the people near her to do tasks. And like zombies they do as they are told, moving to her precise instructions. They seem unable to resist her charms. Some seem to be willing slaves to this madness.

   You realize that you are woefully unprepared for this creature. This bottle of water you carry was not blessed by a holy man. And what use is this towel? If only you had the Shroud of Turin, for the divine image on that cloth would surely bring this corrupted entity to its wits end.

   And then you see that you too have fallen under her spell! Your body does her bidding. You are compelled to move even though you would rather be at home lying on the sofa.

   Your arms and legs move swiftly. She has somehow made you her puppet. Your just a trivial plaything for her amusement. Your muscles aches, and you sweat profusely as you perform some awkward dance that she commands you to perform. You would scream if you weren’t so tired. Have you too fallen from the path of righteousness?

   An exorcism should be performed here! But instead you are exercising, for this place is called a…

   …gym.

   You shiver in disgust as she gazes towards you and speaks cruel words…

   “Aerobics are a great workout. Give me six months with a healthy diet and I promise you a firmer, toned, body. All our personal trainers are happy to help you achieve your fitness goals.”

   Months?! You will surely die. You don’t have the energy for this, a few calories would help you survive. You could use a little treat. Just one or two, two or three or just a few more…

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