Episode 577 – 26/07/01 #WorldCupRecap

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One response to “Episode 577 – 26/07/01 #WorldCupRecap”

1. 

   Me Fishhead

   July 5, 2026

   Mark rushes into the room sweating as Duncan glares at him in disapoval.

   Mark- Sorry for being late.

   Duncan- Your tardiness is scandalous. You have sullied the reputation of this podcast. This misdeed cannot be ignored. Your character is not becoming of this podcast. What would your ancestors say?

   Mark- I was only five minutes late! And I know exactly what my ancestors would say…. What the hell is a podcast? I would probably answer….G-G-G-Ghost! Unless you mean a zombie Hinkley rising from the grave.Then it will be moaning and saying…brains! Sorry great grandpa, your not eating my brain, I still need it.

   Kristin- Maybe Duncan meant that you time traveled to see your great, great grandfather.

   Mark- If that’s the case then I’m getting some authentic old school kits! Suckers today are paying a premium for those retro style shirts. I should open a museum. Mark Hinkley’s world of kits! I’ll make a fortune.

   Kristin- You have to be careful. You might corrupt the current timeline.

   Mark- I’m sure it will be okay. I doubt FIFA will be ruled by a cyborg dinosaur because of me.

   Kristin- That would probably be an improvement.

   Mark- Kristin, you will be invited to the grand opening of my museum. And of course the cyborg dinosaur. But not some individuals that rant that the museum’s opening is delayed a few minutes. Good things are worth waiting for. Anyway, I don’t have a time traveling DeLorean so this is a bit far fetched.

   Kristin to Duncan- Come on Duncan don’t look at him like that. He said he was sorry. It was only a few minutes.

   Duncan- While he is galivating about I am focused on the duties of this podcast. A crime has been committed. He should be prostating himself to the mercy of the court. His folly has no forgiveness. Such a loathsome scoundrel that stands in contempt before justice. Justice will not be quenched by a few mere words. She will not be swayed so easily. But he dares do nothing before her but wank his willy! For shame!

   Mark to Kristen- Did Duncan just say Justice was watching me diddle my dong? Is that some new Onlyfans model?

   Kristen- Mark, Justice is blind, she can’t see you. I wouldn’t blame you if you have amorous attention towards her. It’s okay, don’t let Duncan kink shame you.

   Duncan- Justice might be blind but she is not stupid! That sweaty body next to her is an affront to decency.

   Kristin- Duncan! Are you making fun of Mark’s weight? He is on a diet…

   Mark whimpers…

   Duncan- Weight? No. I was making a mockery of his little willy.

   Mark cries uncontrollably…

   Kristin- Duncan! Look at what you’ve done! Dial it back a notch for us commoners. We can’t all act to your high standards. No need to be so dramatic. I’m sure Mark has a good reason.

   Mark wipes his tears.

   Duncan- Please do tell what tragedy befell your poor soul? Did some tempest blow your ship off course? Did you escape the jaws of some savage beast in the dark woods. Or perhaps you were accosted by bandits and lost them in the labyrinths of this city’s alleys and sewers.

   Mark- Not exactly. I went to Tim Hortons and it was a long line up. I wanted to get some of those world cup timbits.

   Kristen- Mark, those aren’t FIFA approved Timbits. It’s called the taste of the globe Timbits. Don’t let those pictures of soccer balls and flags confuse you. Its just some random coincidence. Nothing at all to do with that obscure tournament happening now.

   Mark- Really? Only Tim Hortons would have the nerve to go against FIFA. So where do I get FIFA trademarked food?

   Kristen- The official FIFA approved World Cup meal is at McDonald’s. Eat like a World Cup champion, only at McDonald’s.

   Mark- Well if that is the case, I’ll super-size it.

   Kristin- Mark, don’t forget the diet…

   Mark- I won’t forget the diet coke.

   Kristin- And watch out for the Hamburgler. He’s after happy meals.

   Mark- That won’t make me happy at all. If he is following me, I’ll lose him in the sewers.

   Kristin- That should work. You only have to worry about the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

   Mark- Those are pizza loving turtles. I never heard of turtles stealing burgers.

   Kristin- Mark, remember the third Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie?

   Mark- Is that the one with Vanilla Ice?

   Kristin- No that’s the second one, the secret of the ooze. In the third movie, they used some mystical scepter to time travel to ancient Japan.

   Mark- So that’s how I time traveled. Now everything is starting to make sense. Does that mean my ancestors are Japanese? That would explain why I have a soft spot for Japanese kits. But that doesn’t explain the dinosaur.

   Kristin-…maybe, Godzilla?

   Mark- No… But you got the right idea. It was Mecha-Godzillla! See the government made a machine to defeat Godzilla. But what they never could of imagined was that it would eventually control FIFA. Like a jigsaw puzzle it all fits together.

   Kristin- I’m sure you could force the puzzle pieces together. But we are getting off topic, wasn’t this all about Tim Hortons? What happened to the timbits? You know, if you stuffed Duncan’s mouth with a Timbit or two he might not of said anything.

   Mark- I ate them all. Point taken. Note to self, next time shove something into Duncan’s mouth.

   Kristin- Let’s get on with the podcast. No more of these side story shenanigans. Can we start now, Duncan?

   Duncan- Before we begin, I regret to inform you that I will not attend the next podcast episode. The wife and I will be in Stratford to attend a screening of Shakespeare’s classic, Othello.

   Mark- What?! After that whole song and dance! What do you have to say for yourself? What about your reputation?

   Duncan- I will say the immortal words of Shakespeare from Othelo…. Reputation, reputation, reputation! O, I have lost my reputation! I have lost the immortal part of myself, and what remains is bestial.

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