South Couch Report – Montreal v Toronto (Playoff Edition)
Guys, we’re finally gonna do it!
Now that we’re about to lose our #playoffVirginity, let’s hope they shoot early, and often. Let’s not let anyone go home disappointed.
Years of mediocrity culminates to a one-off game at Montreal midweek.
At least Vic Rauter is there working the sidelines. Voice like butter. Like triple churned butter made by monks who took a vow of silence and comes in a silken box.
On to the match!
1’ – Toledo… we meet again.
3’ – Findley gets the ball outside the box. Turns around, takes a touch, and fires it back.
4’ – Piatti side steps his marker, fires a low ball forcing a diving save from Konopka
6’ – @kzknowles squees somewhere in a theatre viewing party over the short corner.
8’ – everyone shut the hell up, Vic is talking… damn audio difficulties!
9’ – Giovinco somehow gets a break down the right side, some good marking prevents an earlier shot from a better position, but the next touch is a shot, forcing Bush to make a stop.
11’ – Konopka gets extension on a cross to just push the ball out of Drogba’s trajectory. Goal saved. Well done.
13’ – I’m more scared of Piatti than I am of Giovinco scoring. Mostly because of the defenders marking each of them.
15’ – Osorio is introduced to Donadel for tonight. Free kick from 25 yards out and Giovinco and finds some cute flick ons, but Bradley is found offside.
17’ – Piatti gets through on goal, Konopka comes up big with a save down the left side.
18’ – GOAL – well that’s some carving, Piatti threads a ball behind Williams and Patrice Bernier slides it cooly. Yes, autocorrect didn’t fix that, it was Bernier.
GOUDAS 1, ROBINS 0
20’ – Findley is down! SUB! SUB NOW!!!!! SUUUUUB!!!!!
21’ – No substitution. Boo Greg. Boo.
22’ – Piatti is getting away with everything, but Kantari stops him on a break with an assist from Jackson.
24’ – Drogba limps the first time. Good to start early with the theatrics.
26’ – Vic is now talking… everyone shut the hell up. Ahhhh, that’s Canadian footie… if we did a fundraiser to pay for Vic Rauter to record our “Fagundez”’s, would anyone chip in?
29’ – Drogba hobbles back onto the pitch after acting for on the sideline for over 3 minutes. Committed to his craft.
31’ – Well done Williams. Given that he got owned twice in the same move, he recovered well enough to prevent the shot with a slide tackle.
34’ – GOAL – Well done Williams… and Kantari. He slides on the turf after a bad pass and Piatti takes advantage of the screw-up, gets the ball around Konopka and inside the net, far left post.
GOUDAS 2, ROBINS 0
Time for a defensive sub? Or any sub?
37’ – JDV says take off Findley, but for a reason that isn’t mine.
39’ – GOAL – There is soooo much “holy shit” in this goal, it’s crazy. Duka finds Bernier who’s shot is denied. Bernier gets the ball from the rebound, settles and chips SEVEN RED SHIRTS to find an UNMARKED DROGBA who buries it. Robbie Findley has a good long look at what he was supposed to do standing a few feet behind Didier.
GOUDAS 3, ROBINS 0
41’ – Everyone, shut the hell up again… Vic is talking. Speculates 20+ combinations in the back four all season long.
45+1’ – Giovinco gets the ball in a 1-2 with Bradley in the penalty area and Ciman executes a perfect tackle to sweep the problem away.
Half-Time mood : euthanize this one. It’s looks pretty done.
46’ – SUB – Zavaleta comes on for Kantari.
51’ – Free kick from Giovinco loops over and forces Bush to make a low diving save. Ensuing scramble was nothing like the Bernier one from the third goal, so that was it.
55’ – Bradley goes for glory. I guess we need that. Now everyone shut the fuck up… Vic is talking. Vanney wants the pace to be picked up. Good call Greg. Down by three. Strong stance.
56’ – Cheyrou goes for a tackle, gets the ball but comes up worse for wear.
59’ – Vic with the good point about Montreal’s DP signings. If I’m dying, I wanna hear it from Vic first.
61’ – You ever get that feeling that you don’t believe if the opposition will score, but when? This right now.
64’ – Findley gets sent into the right side of goal from a cute pass from Osorio, can’t get to it for anything meaningful, but goes out for a corner. And nothing comes from that either.
70’ – Morrow does a solid job of marking Drogba, stopping a free goal, no doubt.
70’ – SUB – Delgado is coming on for Osorio
72’ – SUB – Gomez comes on for IT’S TOO FUCKING LATE GREG.
75’ – Bernier slots it onto Piatti who has a go and fires just wide.
77’ – In a poetic slap in the face, Patrice Bernier, a legend, makes way for Kyle Bekker. Kyle. Bekker. Toronto has won nothing tonight. If there was ever a metaphorical middle finger to be flipped, this is it.
78’ – Giovinco “de Guzman”’s it. This is what it’s come to.
79’ – Piatti off the post.
82’ – Great, fireworks. Can’t wait to see the penalties imposed on those supporters…
87’ – YELLOW – Delgado takes out Oduro.
2 minutes of extra time
90+1’ – Bekker nearly becomes legend/pariah by taking a pass from Oduro and curling it past Konopka, but just wide of the far post.
Full Time : Montreal 3, Toronto 0
Man of the Match : Piatti. Name me anyone else who was vaguely closer.
Goat of the Game : Have at it. Not Konopka or Cheyrou or Giovinco or Morrow or Jackson.
Ref Rating : 4 out of 5. Toledo let’em play.
I Am Not The Gaffer, But… : I would be asking Bezbatchenko to compile a list of the top 20 players in a wishlist, try to sign seven of them.
In Case You PVR’d It : watch the goals, but have a drink in hand for the third one.
I’m struggling to say nice things about Toronto FC tonight. I think if you watched it, you’d have difficulty too. Montreal played them off the park, for the most part. They were out classed in strategy, and lacking the talent to handle it. Their defense was water tight. That last 20 minutes was infinite. Not that I held the belief that they’d mount a comeback, but rather I was more concerned that it could get worse.
To the two gentlemen who’s faces were brief poster-children for TFC supporters on the telly, that’s exactly how anyone who is even remotely emotionally invested should feel. That melange of rage, humiliation, humility and exhaustive disappointment. I am far from the greatest TFC supporter, but I empathized with them, without the experience of a 12-hour round trip bus ride to really hammer it home.
Can hear supporters in the field mic taunt Jozy he sucked in England and he sucks here. Sometimes I’ve agreed, but the numbers don’t lie… Next season, someone’s gonna have to bring some punctuation for the Drogba Legend sign. I think a comma and a question mark would be excellent trolling… Maybe it’s a bit of schadenfreude, but I desperately hoped Bekker would bag one. When they’re this beaten, they need to hit the bottom, whatever that may look like… I like Montreal’s tannoy guy. He sounds more wrestling ring announcer, and less upscale strip club DJ like the guy we have.
Player Ratings : Konopka 6.5, Morrow 6, Kantari 5.5 (Zavaleta 6), Williams 5.5, Jackson 6.5, Osorio 6.5 (Delgado N/A), Cheyrou 6, Bradley 6, Findley 5.5 (Gomez N/A), Giovinco 6, Altidore 6