South Couch Report: Toronto Fc vs Vancouver Whitecaps.

Old Vancouver logo with new colours

The Part I Write Before :

Well, as I write this, Montreal have very handily and often quite prettily beat Columbus 3-0, so this is now literally a must win game for TFC if they still have any hopes of getting a playoff place. So I guess this will be a documenting of the end really, as I’m not all that confident. There’s a chance obviously of a win here, Vancouver are kind of shit, even without Carl Robinson, and hey, TFC looked pretty fucking good against a shit team last week, so maybe we’ll have another fun game to keep the whole charade up for another week. Anything could happen.

Here’s the lineup, same as last week but with Lucas Fauxsorio Janson in there instead of Jozy Altidore.


Bold Predictions :

  1. Doneil Henry does a lot of good things, and one very bad thing.
  2. Seba gets angry and frustrated and does a poor job of hiding that.
  3. Weird things often happen in games between these teams, so I’ll guess at least 5 combined goals.

On to the Match :

4′ – GOAL – Nice passing move puts Russell Teibert in and he shoots across Bono and inside the far post.
TFC 0, Whitecaps 1, 

14′ – Giovinco turns and shoots from about 25 yards out. saved, rebound goes to Janson who falls over/is fouled, but there’s no penalty.

16′ Morrow crosses to Osorio, about 10 yards out, gets a hard shot off but too close to the goalie who saves it. Actually it was Janson, not Osorio. Better from TFC.

24′ – Bradley surges forward, then passes off to Giovinco behind the defence and he basically just misses the ball and it goes out of touch. 25 minutes in and it’s now fair to judge the crowd.  It’s pretty fucking empty there.

26′ – Vazquez to Giovinco more or less at the corner of the box, volleys it first time and misses, but not by much. Would have been a great fucking goal. But isn’t.

28′ – YELLOW. Van Der Wiel for a rough ‘tackle’. Fair enough really.

33′ – YELLOW Ghazal for a tackle on Vazquez. Nothing comes from the free kick, though they Var’d it for a handball, but nothing.

43′ – Seba has the ball in the box, lays it back for Bradley who gets a hell of a shot off, but saved. Meanwhile Atlanta have beaten the tea terrorists, getting 3 points closer to 70.

45+ 1′ YELLOW Mavinga for a foul on Reyna.

Halftime Mood : Bored. Not playing terrible I guess, but not really doing much. Greg Vanney with a Carl Robinson tribute haircut. Looks weird.

49′ – Janson tries to pass to Seba, doesn’t quite get it right and so the caps clear the ball, Seba is angry and frustrated and doesn’t do a good job of hiding it.

52′ – Vazquez to Giovinco, wide but he shoots anyway, the net ripples, the crowd cheers, but it’s the side netting.

55′ – Auro should have done better but took too long shooting and his shot is blocked.

58′ – Sub: Delgado off, Altidore on.

65′ – Sub: Janson off, Chapman on.

66′- YELLOW Van Der Wiel sets a screen that Reyna’s happy to run into right at the edge of the box. Van der Wiel gets his 2nd yellow.

68′ – Davies hits a very poor free kick, and his 2nd effort is even worse.

69′ – Sub: Davies off for Hurtado.

70′ –  Sub: Vazquez on for Hagglund. Are we going to go to ‘throw the ball in the mixer to the big guy up top?

72′ – Chapman out wide puts in a cross. It’s blocked, but that’s handball. And of course, it’s Doneil Henry, whoc comes up with a rueful disbeliveing grin.

73’ – GOAL – Altidore lets Marinovic dive out of the way and hits it down the middle. I wouldn’t call it a panenka, bit too hard for that, but anyway.
TFC 1, Whitecaps 1

75′ – YELLOW Reyna for taking down Seba. Free kick comes to nothing.

75′ Sub: Ghazal off, Mutch on.

78′ – GOAL – Mutch with the low cross to Kamara who sidefoots home from the edge of the 6 yard box.
TFC 1, Whitecaps 2

88′- Sub: Levis off, Felipe on. Cos yes, that’s what we need right now, some Felipe. Strong troll move.

89′ – Giovinco has a go from 25 yards out that is very high and quite wide.

90′ YELLOW: Marinovic for time wasting.

90+3′ – almost promising move falls apart. Seba throws his arm out in a defeated fashion. Appropriate.

Full Time : Toronto 1, Vancouver 2

Man of the Match : Meh. No-one.
Goat of the Game : I guess Van Der Wiel.
Ref Rating : 4 out of 5. Nothing to complain about really, which is all you can ask.
I Am Not The Gaffer, But… : Can’t complain about the lineup really, but maybe work on your pre game and half time speeches.
In Case You PVR’d It : Just delete.

Bold Predictions Results :

  1. Nailed it. Yes. Yes he did.
  2. Nailed it. Yes. Yes he did.
  3. Failed it. One of the duller games in the history of this matchup.

Well there it is. Playoff hopes officially over, and didn’t they go out with a bang. A very strange season really, just never ever got going in league play. At least they’ll have a good long off season to rest and be ready to go after the CCL again, that’s something I guess.

Player Ratings: Bono 6, Auro 6, Van der Weil 4, Mavinga 6, Morrow 6, Bradley 6, Vazquez 6 (Hagglund 6), Delgado 6 (Altidore 6), Osorio 6, Giovinco 6, Janson 6 (Chapman 6)

Unused Substitutions: Irwin, Morgan, Zavaleta, Bakero

Author: Duncan Fletcher

Blogging journeyman formerly of Cruel Geography and Waking the Red, also briefly with Sportsnet and every now and then with the Guardian. As a supporter of Darlington, TFC, England and Canada, football's been unfair and poking fun at Duncan for decades now, so it's only fair he does the same right back at it. Follow him on twitter @duncandfletcher

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