THE STARTING 11: Not Entirely Unbelievable 2015 TFC Headline Predictions

Happy New Year Vocal Minorities! It’s exciting to be back for another year and to bust out the very first Starting 11 of 2015. There’s a dramatic 12 months ahead what with TFC’s 58-match road trip to start the season; the ceremonial gridiron painting as we ready for the Argos in 2016; the Vanney/Bezbatchenko sacking sometime in… Let’s say July; and of course… almost making the playoffs! Wheeeee! Of course we wouldn’t be the intrepid “journalists” you know and tolerate without trying to predict a few TFC headlines for 2015 and while these won’t all come true, would you be that shocked if some did?

11. JORDAN HAMILTON SCORES 7 IN FIRST 5 MATCHES – TRADED TO SAN JOSE FOR 4TH ROUND DRAFT PICK
10. MARK BLOOM RE-NEGOTIATES CONTRACT – RENT COVERED THROUGH FEBRUARY
9. JOE BENDIK COMPLETES TRANSITION TO PRO WRESTLING
8. WINTER WHITEOUT CONDITIONS HIT TORONTO AREA – KYLE BEKKER INVISIBLE FOR DAYS
7. WALL OF HONOUR COLLAPSES UNDER WEIGHT OF ITS OWN SELF-IMPORTANCE
6. DIKE AND FINDLEY INTRODUCED – BOTH PLAYERS’ ACL’S EXPLODE IMMEDIATELY
5. DOZENS HURT IN CALDWELL ARM-FLAPPING INCIDENT
4. YOURASSOWSKY MAKES TRIUMPHANT REDS RETURN
3. WARRANT ISSUED FOR BITCHY THE HAWK’S ARREST
2. JERMAIN DEFOE GRANTED MLS EXPANSION FRANCHISE – 30,000 FEET ABOVE THE ATLANTIC OCEAN
1. NEW TFC MANAGEMENT REGIME PROMISE: “THIS TIME WE’LL GET IT RIGHT”