Goalkeepers. Rarely has Toronto FC had one that didn’t depart in odd or controversial circumstances. One wept while only wearing the tiniest of towels. After this season came to a close, most of us expected one of Joe Bendik or Chris Konopka to be jettisoned. So TFC scrapped them both. Ah. Ok then! The “braintrust” obviously has alternative (read: over-expensive) plans for the position but if that falls through, here are some alternative solutions to TFC’s gap in goal…
11. A giant glove glued lovingly onto Bitchy the Hawk’s plumage
10. Giant hill-divot after Friday night CFL games
9. Re-directed hot air from Tim Leiweke era blown towards attackers
8. A reunion tour of all the 2007 TFC keepers
7. An overactive section of South End retractable stands that shoots out into the goal area
6. The Godzilla-esque mutant creature “Konopdik”!
5. The new canopy unfurls giant XXX banners when opposing attackers break in on goal
4. Quillan Roberts (Just kidding – they’ll never give him a chance!)
3. Hilarious “Backwards Goal” prank
2. Loitering Argos’ practice-squad linebackers
1. 47% more stacks of your money
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