MASCOT HYSTERIA: Roelio v Monty Mole

Mascot Hysteria

Thanks for joining us you fiendish fans of fuzzy fightin’ for the latest round of Mascot Hysteria – where football mascots from around the world battle to the plushest of ends.

Coming into this round, the reigning champion – LA Galaxy’s extraterrestrial lothario Cozmo – looked unstoppable but was forced to face one of the most unique of all mascots, Pontevedra CF’s “bone about town” Roelio. What started out as a close fight turned on a dime when Cozmo himself tweeted his support for his femur foe! Meanwhile the general voting public couldn’t resist Roelio’s marrow-filled charm handing him a commanding 70% victory!

With literally no skin in the game, but plenty of density, Roelio will now try to hold on to his title against a new challenger. As always, it’s you the Vocal Minority reader that decides the winner so peruse that plush then vote! Simply put the name of your winner in the comments section below (your reasons for voting are always welcome!) or send the name of your winner to our Twitter account @vocalminorityCA with the hashtag #MascotHysteria

Mascots… FIGHT!













  • NAME: Roelio
  • CLUB: Pontevedra CF


  • HEIGHT: 6′ 1″
  • WEIGHT: 190 lbs.
  • POSTURE: Erect

SPECIES: Bone (Not funny)

BIOGRAPHY: From the mean streets of the Iberian Peninsula comes this skeletal rogue with a slightly disturbing grin and smooth yet dangerous edges. No stranger to danger, Roelio has suffered many hardships as he travels with his club through the Spanish Third Division. Fractures, breaks, milk shortages – Roelio has seen it all but stands erect against all comers.

When not cheering on his side or educating Spain’s elderly about the advantages of Vitamin D, Roelio has been known to be chummy with Spanish actor Javier Bardem and is no stranger to Pontevedra’s swankiest parties. Roelio is a confirmed bachelor and has one pet, a dog named Sergio that gnaws on him nightly.

CATCHPHRASE: “You deserve a break!”


Mole mascot










  • NAME: Monty Mole
  • CLUB: Montrose FC


  • HEIGHT: 5′ 6″
  • WEIGHT: 230 lbs.
  • TEETH: 14 Square Inches

SPECIES: Highland Business Mole

BIOGRAPHY: From deep below the surface of the Scottish coastal town of Montrose comes this jolly fella who loves tunneling, chewing on stuff and attending corporate functions! Despite problems with his vision (he loves a night fixture) Monty sees straight when it comes to cheering on his local side “The Gable Endies”.

However, don’t let the jovial charm of this rotund rapscallion lull you into a false sense of security – especially if you support Arbroath! Monty has been well known to spend his nocturnal hours trolling the internet to find the home addresses of Arbroath supporters and players alike. Armed with such mole knowledge, he tunnels under their homes – emerging in their kitchens – simply to take a giant dump in their fridge. All under the cover of night!

CATCHPHRASE: “The results are in… this Mole is malignant!”

Author: Tony Walsh

Tony Walsh is a writer, former minor-league broadcaster and failed astronaut. Born into supporting an underachieving football club only to end up supporting a second underachieving football club - through what must be deemed as soft immigration policies - he continues to make terrible life choices. Walsh is a keen observer of the malarkey-rife sport of football and is considered one of the leading voices on the Collin Samuel Obesity Epidemic.

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  1. wow, Monty is a cheap looking mascot, like a bunch of schoolkids glued some chunks of felt to another, bigger, chunk of felt. couldn’t even be bothered to buy some proper googly eyes to put on there.
    I though roelio was cheap and low quality, all about the pity vote, but he looks positively well constructed compared to this scottish mess.
    Roelio wins again for me.

    Post a Reply
    • Looking at him more and I think as much as the cheap looking facial features, my main problem might be that they haven’t put the effort in,haven’t really tried to make it look like it’s a mole in a shirt. Look at his head and the shirt, the head’s obscuring the shirt, it’s very very obvious the head has been put on after the shirt, which if you’re taking it seriously should be a physical impossibility.
      So I think my problem is not poor design, but just straight up poor mascotting by the dude inside, not even really trying to create the illusion. a disgrace to the profession.

      I may be overthinking this given it’s probably some academy kid whose bus broke down and made him late and thus he had to wear the costume as a punishment.

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  2. This is Roelio’s world and we’re just living in it. Besides, he’s friends with Javier Bardem! Who’s Monty friends with, a groundhog? Roelio gets mine again as well.

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  3. Monty for me. I remember the time we went hunting haggis near Ben Nevis…ol Monty sure knew how to throw back the single malt!!!

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    • I thought hunting haggis had been outlawed! Think of the poor wee haggisis…hagges? Whatever, just think of them!

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  4. Remember when Monty had that TV show with Anderson Cooper?

    Still isn’t enough to get my vote. I’m going with Roelio. How can you say no to a good bone?

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  5. I can’t believe we may have to see Roelio for the third week in a row, but I gotta vote for him as well. At least he has some style, in a strange kinda way.

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  6. Monty for me. Always my favourite golfer and it’s nice to see he’s topping up his seniors tour winnings with a side gig

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  7. Sorry but look at the weight difference. That mole could get under Roelio and break him from below. I vote Monty!

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    • Disclaimer: I have some Scottish in me. Scotland beats Spain.

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  8. The boner wins! Roelio wins even if your name is Monty.

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