MASCOT HYSTERIA: Roelio v Sammy the Stag

Mascot Hysteria

Welcome back to all of you bloodthirsty fans of head-to-head mascot massacres! Mascot Hysteria is back for a matchup of plush pugilism and we have a dandy for you in this round.

Despite his nocturnal refrigerator dump taking ways, the rotund mole from Scotland’s Montrose FC – Monty Mole – turned out to be no match for this competition’s first two-time champion and bone about town – Roelio! With 67% of your votes, the big femur from Pontevedra, Spain remains on as champion. Can anyone break him?

With renewed density, Roelio will now try to extend his title into a third successive round against a new challenger. As always, it’s you the Vocal Minority reader that decides the winner so stroke that fuzz then vote! Simply do one of the following: put the name of your winner in the comments section below (your reasons for voting are always welcome!), vote in the handy poll (we have polls now!), or send the name of your winner to our Twitter account @vocalminorityCA with the hashtag #MascotHysteria

Mascots… FIGHT!













NAME: Roelio
CLUB: Pontevedra CF

HEIGHT: 6’1″
WEIGHT: 190 lbs.
SYSTEM: Skeletal


BIOGRAPHY: The two-time Mascot Hysteria champion just keeps rolling with his affable yet disturbing grin and unbreakable spirit. While he may not have any actual fingers, Roelio sure is flipping the bird to all comers as he has dispatched LA Galaxy’s Cozmo and Montrose FC’s Monty Mole with ease.

With his new-found fame in the mascot community Roelio is now living the high life in skeletal circles. Parties at the hottest osteoporosis clinics on the Mediterranean; being wined and dined by the big players in the X-Ray industry; partying with skeletons at Europe’s wildest haunted house attractions; and, an infamous night at the “Bone Magazine” mansion’s grotto. Despite his growing fame, Roelio is still keeping it real and waiting for away supporters in Pontevedra’s darkest alleys and late-night railway platforms.

CATCHPHRASE: “I must break you.”


Stag mascot









NAME: Sammy the Stag
CLUB: Mansfield Town FC

HEIGHT: 6’2″
WEIGHT: 205 lbs.

SPECIES: Midland Paranoia Stag

BIOGRAPHY: Once the resident of the famous Sherwood Forest in his home county of Nottinghamshire, Sammy was forced to go it alone after being shunned by his fellow stags. With his wild, wide-eyed stare and rapid, non-stop babbling about conspiracy theories, stagism and Brian Clough, Sammy was asked to leave the forest by the stag elders and face the world alone.

After years of therapy helped Sammy integrate into his new urban community, he pursued a career in politics which saw him place ninth in a Mansfield mayoralty race after his campaign to stop stag and buck segregation failed to garner support. On the brink of descending back into madness, Sammy’s therapist recommended channeling his natural exuberance into the performing arts. With his natural talent, and mane of luscious golden hair, Sammy was briefly a member of The Bee Gees but his radical anti-gold medallion politics saw him literally butt heads with Barry Gibb and he was kicked out of the group.

Sammy has landed on his feet, er, hooves as the mascot of English League Two scrappers Mansfield Town. With his constantly enlarged pupils and alert antlers, Sammy is at home entertaining the young in the stands while also trying to warn older members of the crowd about the dangers of whatever political regime has grabbed his attention that matchday.

CATCHPHRASE: “You’re just a buck? Oh deer.”

[yop_poll id=”2″]

Author: Tony Walsh

Tony Walsh is a writer, former minor-league broadcaster and failed astronaut. Born into supporting an underachieving football club only to end up supporting a second underachieving football club - through what must be deemed as soft immigration policies - he continues to make terrible life choices. Walsh is a keen observer of the malarkey-rife sport of football and is considered one of the leading voices on the Collin Samuel Obesity Epidemic.

Share This Post On


  1. Oh wow, this is a toughy. As much as I was starting to like the two-time winner, I’m going to have to vote for antler over bone and pick Sammy the Stag. That is a quality put-together mascot right there. Sammy looks enthusiastic, there appear to be good-quality materials in the outfit, and he even looks fit enough to be subbed-on for his team at a moment’s notice. Also look at those humongous ears.

    Sammy the Stag.

    Post a Reply
  2. Yeah, got to go with the stag, it’s ridiculous in a good way, not like that mole monstrosity from last week. Also fond memories of mansfield as they’re the team darlington beat to win the FA trophy. there’s way too many sponsors on that shirt, but it would be tough to hold that against the stag.

    He had a good run, but time to throw roelio to the dogs.

    Post a Reply
  3. A stag that drives a Skoda? (according to his shirt) That’s not right. The bone goes on!

    Post a Reply
  4. I just realized that Sammy would have a very hard time heading the ball, should he be put into a match. Talk about deflated balls…sorry, wrong football.

    Post a Reply
  5. Buck vs boner, boner wins

    Post a Reply

Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *