South Couch Report : New England v Toronto

New England Revolution as the Tea Men

The Part I Write Before :

Toronto are just one game away from beginning their ascension to the top of the table, top of the league.

This is probably that game. Right?

On to the Match :

4′ – GOAL – Toronto gives up the ball right around half, two quick passes and Penilla has a nice long one before taking a shot 20 yards out sliding it low and to the right of Bono. This can’t be an omen of things to come.

6′ – Is it too presumptuous to say it’s been all New England so far? It’s been barely six minutes.

7′ – GOAL – BONO WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?! AKETXE WHAT THE HELL?!? THE OMEN IS REAL!!! Bono dribbles his way past a defender to the top of the box and lays it off to Aketxe, who then lays a square pass off to Penilla and fires a low shot as Bono is still trying to get back into the net and scores. What a mess.

11′ – Sufficient time has elapsed for me to comfortably say that it’s been all New England so far.

14′ – Terrible shade of blue/green gets down the right side and fires just over the bar. That would’ve ruined this match for me.

18′ – New England ball over the top, forward runs onto it. Bono comes out to challenge, gets walked around, finally shoots and Bono gets back into position to make the save.

That player was Bunbury. #fuckingFailure

21′ – Fagundez with some fancy moves but stops his momentum and squanders his opportunity and fires at Bono.

25′ – Panilla does some tremendous work to get into a scoring position, but gets fancy and squanders it.

25′ – Counter attack Ricketts gets through and fires towards the bottom right corner, forcing a great stop by Turner.

29′ – Never been so disappointed to hear Hamilton, Ontario mentioned on a soccer broadcast as they talk about where Bunbury was born. Ugh.

32′ – Aketxe has a go from a free kick 25 yards out and Turner couldn’t sleep on it to get in front of it.

37′ – OK, so the momentum is shifting. That’s a plus.

Halftime Mood :

46′ – FUCK – National shame Bunbury runs down the right, beats a defender, fires it past Bono. Night. Ruined.

54′ –GOAL Ok, there’s one. Chapman gets the ball across to find Hamilton but Delamea puts it past his own keeper.

59′ – SUB – Ricketts off for Giovinco.

60 – SUB – Mavinga in for Aketxe.

64′ – Giovinco does a lot of good work along the goal line, passes it back out to Chapman, and he fires it over the bar under no pressure.

69′ – Delgado squares a long ball across the top of the box, finds Giovinco, fires it enforces another save from the keeper.

70′ – SUB – Chapman off for Vazquez

81′ – Bradley cross is a ball into the box, finds Hamilton and he puts it just over the bar.

88′ – PENALTY – After some strong efforts by Auro, the defender takes out his legs and points to the spot.

89′ – GOAL Giovinco fires to the right, and the keeper doesn’t quite get his hands to it.


90′ – RED – Giovinco gets sent off for for putting his hands on Zahibo after Zahibo tries to knock the ball out of his hands when running the ball back to the centre circle.

What a mess.

3 mins of extra time.

Full Time : New England 3, Toronto 2

This works here…

Man of the Match : I dunno, Chapman? Telfer? Delgado?
Goat of the Game : I don’t know if Bono was the Goat, but he elevated my stress levels more than once with his sweeper impression.
Ref Rating : 3 out of 5
I Am Not The Gaffer, But… : the subs could’ve come at halftime, otherwise was ok with the tactics and starting XI
In Case You PVR’d It : Watch the first two goals and the entire second half.

New England came out swinging, kept the Toronto defense on its heels early and it really felt like that kept them off balance for most of the first half. Toronto didn’t seem to have a meaningful attempt at goal for over 20 minutes, so that aggression worked. New England we’re good enough to expose Toronto’s makeshift defense to look lethal, and there’s no excuse why the scoreline wasn’t 4 or 5-nil at the half.

Pardon my swearing, but Fagundez had a very good game. Deserved a goal for his efforts… Have we declared that MLS in Foxboro is a terrible idea yet, are we on the fence about it or just plain denial? So many empty seats… Not that there’s been a ton of bright spots, but I really enjoyed Telfer’s contributions. Confident play from the big man… Brad Friedel dresses like a high school principal. School board trustees must be in the audience tonight… Should I be concerned when I see Auro part way through the second half and realize, ‘oh yeah, he’s been playing too’?

Player Ratings: Bono 5, Telfer 6.5, Hernandez 6, Bradley 6, Auro Jr. 6, Osorio 6.5, Aketxe 6 (Mavinga N/A), Delgado 6, Chapman 6.5 (Vazquez N/A), Ricketts 6 (Giovinco 6), Hamilton 6

Unused Substitutions: Irwin, Morgan, Fraser, Mino

Author: Mark Hinkley

Mark is a full-time graphic designer, full-time smart ass and full-time logo, stadium and kit nerd. When he isn't writing ridiculous match reports or redesigning logos for his own amusement, he's salivating over the day that promotion and relegation occurs in MLS. You can follow him @kitnerdmark on the twitterz.

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  1. We all understand the situation with TFC. So the loss of VDW is just one more tire on that tire fire. I can’t really criticize Vanney on his player selection for the game, players need the game experience, it is a long season and the development for the players and coaches need to happen. Of course there is one exception, Aketex , showed himself capable of TFC II play and has not really shown any first team quality play this year, he makes a lot of money but is not a first team player. On the first goal against, he needed to check to the ball on the second goal, well… Please Mr. Vanney, consider Frazer or Mino instead.

    The game moved in the Reds favour when Aketex came out and so did Ricketts who is not having the season he had last year. I also sure thought Hamilton directed that ball towards the net and Dieina merely deflected it.

    The Giovinco-Zahibo incident brings some more rubber to that tire fire. Seba’s need to impress his hands on Zahibo’s face was a deserved trigger for one of the Howard Webb’s, 4 match changing events. The VAR did prompt Geiger, but against Webb assurance in the video, the VAR did not review for any other incidents leading to the red card. The way Webb explains it that slap and impediment of Seba from Zahibo was in the scope of review and deserved a yellow card. The decision also brings up the mid-week action of Leerdam on Morgan, Leerdam’s attempted intimidation by pressing his forehead into Morgan’s face was also a match changing event and a red card which Unkel and Penso ignored completely. While FIFA’s laws don’t explicitly address attempted contact to the face the USSF memorandums do. Face on face threats are to be dealt with severely. Mr. Webb is your staff competent to carry out the simplest tasks that you outline?

    Apologies for the rant.

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