South Couch Report : Vancouver v Toronto, Responsible Adult Edition

Old Vancouver logo with new colours


10 p.m. is too late for a goddamn mid-week game. I got to go to work in the morning. I don’t live anywhere near my work. So this is the next best thing. I know the result but I’m looking to be surprised as if I don’t know anything so I’m skipping I usually do, poorly.

Already a Bayern Munich reference, not minutes after the anthem.

Both teams in away kits, obviously #stupid

Onto the Match :

12′ – Nothing is happening and nobody has mentioned Bayern Munich. It’s been nearly 1/6th of the match!

13′ – Morgan gets a shot on goal. Finally one notch above nothing.

16′ – Hagglund the great job of tracking down tomorrow on a break and slide tackling the ball away, but the ball lens for Techera and he has open space to let up last go that just skims off the crossbar.

19′ – Bradley floats a wonderful ball over the top to find Altidore 6 yards out, who gets a head to it, but goes wide.

22′ – Isn’t it mandatory they have to say Bayern Munich every time Davies touches the ball? As per the conditions of the contract?

23′ – Irwin forces to come off the line to punch away a floated cross from Techera.

23′ – PENALTY – Oh Ricketts… Your hand is so high up, what are you doing?

24′ – GOAL Kamara stutter steps, tucks it just under top left corner.

26′ – GOAL – GOLSORIO! Auro loops a solid cross to right about the penalty spot, Osorio takes it full volley. Brilliant. #BayerMunich

37′ – Oh, did you hear that, Davies is going to Bayern Munich? I did not hear that.

40′ – Say it again.

45+1′ – Felipe gets a straight red for a tackle on Delgado. Definitely a yellow, not sure red.

Halftime Mood : took a while, but it’s picked up.

45′ – SUB – Mavinga off for Morrow.

49′ – Davies slots a wonderful ball through Morrow’s legs and Kamara is about get to it until Hagglund comes sliding in to sweep the opportunity away.

57′ – I thought Wileman said something about Hertha Berlin but he was talking about Russell Teibert. Shame.

63′ – SUB – Telfer in for Auto with a pulled hammy

66′ – Hagglund with all the hustle tonight, chases down Reyna and gets in front of the shot. Or cross. Whatever, good block.

SUB – Hernandez in for Morgan.

73′ – Davies runs from the right wing into the middle, has a go and Irwin makes a tremendous save.

77′ – YELLOW – Zavaleta gets a booking for a tug on Davies shirt.

78′ – YELLOW – Morrow hauls down Reyna just outside of the box.

83′ – Davies has a #67 Bayern Munich jersey. Did he visit or something?

84′ – GOAL Hurtado takes a great ball over the top, controls it with his foot behind and kinda high, and slots it low past Irwin. It was a nice goal.

I wonder how it ends… Oooh.

5 mins of extra time

90+5′ – GOAL – Holy crap that happened… Bradley floats a ball to Altidore, heads it across to a diving Doneil Henry and slots it past the keeper. The camera refuses to show him taking off his kit revealing his heel turn!!!!

Full Time : Vancouver 2, Toronto 2

Man of the Match : Nick Hagglund
Goat of the Game : pass
Ref Rating : 3 out of 5
I’m Not The Gaffer, But… : He got it right and got the draw.
In Case You PVR’d It : you probably went to bed at a reasonable time like a responsible adult. Your parents would be proud of you.

Hagglund playing like he’s surrounded by Moor and Mavinga.  Good cleanup.  Very happy… That was the most delightful silence I’ve heard at a sporting event in a long time… I’m 99% certain I didn’t come up with the GOLSORIO thing. I wouldnt have come with this legit for another 6 or 7 goals even though he’d have deserved it 4 or 5 goals ago… Also, how hasn’t someone made a scarf with Osorio’s face at the end? I’d buy that in a second off of a street vendor. #businessModel

Player Ratings : Irwin 6.5, Mavinga 6 (Morrow 6), Hagglund 7.5, Zavaleta 6, Morgan 6 (Hernandez 6), Bradley 6.5, Auro 6.5 (Telfer N/A), Osorio 7, Delgado 6, Ricketts 6, Altidore 6.5

Unused Subs : Bakero, Hamilton, Fraser, Bono

Author: Mark Hinkley

Mark is a full-time graphic designer, full-time smart ass and full-time logo, stadium and kit nerd. When he isn't writing ridiculous match reports or redesigning logos for his own amusement, he's salivating over the day that promotion and relegation occurs in MLS. You can follow him @kitnerdmark on the twitterz.

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  1. Tough on all the folks in the maritimes and Newfoundland and Labrador.

    I think Marinovic was the culprit. Henry decided to head the ball to him when he took a couple of steps off his line…but Marinovic stopped.

    Davies was wonderful.

    There was a dog’s breakfast with TFC’s defense on ‘Caps second goal.

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