The South Couch Report : New York v Toronto, 2nd leg

NYCFC as the Generals

NYCFC as the Generals

Well, that’s fucked up.

For those that don’t know (doubt it) Montreal has eliminated the Extreme Beverages from the playoffs. What that means is that Toronto would have the second leg IF they advance. And that’s brilliant news. The mouth waters at the thought. So good. On the west coast, as of writing, the Galaxy have been dispatched by Colorado. My FC Dallas should be crashing and burning to Seattle.

Bold Predictions :

  1. My tequila slurpee will be delicious
  2. Toronto scores first
  3. Toronto advances

OK, should my heart be racing like this at the thought of a semi-final? I might need a physician.

Now the stomach is turning a bit. Holy shit, I’m more excited for this than I originally thought. I thought I’d be at a 7 out of 10 at kickoff. Thinking I’m at a 9 now…

On to the Match :

2’ – Bradley growing some neck and chin fur, no doubt for Novembeard. I think it’s for cold face awareness. Or puppy arthritis. I get them confused.

6’ – GOAL GIOVINCO!!!!!!!!!!!!! Osorio chips a bll through to Seba and does hs Seba defensive terrorizing schtick , then getting in front of goal from 18 yards out and pulls it back a bit to beat the keeper
ROBINS 1, PIZZA RATS 0 (3-0 on aggregate)
NYC need to score 4 to advance

10’ – Montreal first leg at the big O… hmmm…

16’ – Osorio tries to dance his way to an opportunity, but no dice.

18’ – Corner from Pirlo, gets headed just wide of the post.

19’ – Giovinco and Altidore does a nice 1-2,

19’ – PENALTIA! – Giovinco gets taken down by Brilliant after getting beaten cleanly 15 yards out.

20’ – GOAL GIOVINCOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! They’re on dream street now!!!!
ROBINS 2, PIZZA RATS 0 (4-0 on aggregate (HOLY SHIT))
NYC need to score 5 to advance

30’ – GOAL JOZY YOU ABSOLUTE LEGEND!!! Takes a pass from behind him on a half-volley at a tight angle to the right and absolutely BURIES IT.
ROBINS 3, PIZZA RATS 0 (5-0 on aggregate (HOLY SHIT))
NYC need to score 6 to advance. SIX!

I’m vibrating right now. I can’t believe what I’m seeing. Just, damn.

34’ – Seba stalking for a third, gets a break down the left side and gets closed down, passes back but gets intercepted.

37’ – Altidore gets a header on goal, but right into the hands of Johansen

38’ – Lampard has a go from 25 yards out and Irwin makes a nice diving save.

45’ – Lampard has another go from 25 yards out but fires wide.

Half Time mood : Borderline delirium. Barely.

I’m debating about posting the report right now and just declaring, but I can’t do it.

45’ – SUB – Cooper comes off for Johnson

ROBINS 4, PIZZA RATS 0 (6-0 on aggregate (HOLY SHIT))
NYC need haaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahah don’t bother son.

63’ – Zavaleta floats a ball for Giovinco, creates some space and curls a ball towards the left post, but palmed away by Johansen

65’ – SUB – Bloom comes in for Beitashour

73’ – SUB – Ricketts comes on for Altidore. In light of what’s going in, I’ll allow it #ALTITTS *hey*

83’ – weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee still winning!

2 minutes of extra suffering

90+1’ – GOAL Seba. Hat trick.  Legend.
ROBINS 5, PIZZA RATS 0 (7-0 on aggregate (HOLY SHIT))

Full Time : Toronto 5, NYC 0

Man of the Match : Sebastian Giovinco

Goat of the Game : I can’t even come up with a joke answer.  I’m still grinning.

Ref Rating : 4 out of 5. Called all things right that I could see.

I Am Not The Gaffer, But… : I question his playoff beard thing. Unless it’s for Novembeard, for salad awareness, if I’m not mistaken.

In Case You PVR’d It : SAVE IT FOREVER!!!

Bold Predictions Results :

  1. Nailed it. That drink was going to deliver, right from the first minute.
  2. Nailed it. Never been happier to have nailed it with that Seba effort.
  3. Nailed it. Damn. Wow.

I don’t know what else to put here. Let’s just bathe in this.

Player Ratings : Irwin 7, Beitashour 6.5 [Bloom N/A], Moor 6, Morrow 7, Hagglund 7, Zavaleta 7, Cooper 6 [Johnson N/A], Bradley 7, Osorio 8, Giovinco 16, Altidore 7 [Ricketts N/A]

Unused Substitutions : Cheyrou, Delgado, Ricketts, Bono

Author: Mark Hinkley

Mark is a full-time graphic designer, full-time smart ass and full-time logo, stadium and kit nerd. When he isn't writing ridiculous match reports or redesigning logos for his own amusement, he's salivating over the day that promotion and relegation occurs in MLS. You can follow him @kitnerdmark on the twitterz.

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  1. As Deiter use to say, “And now is the time in Sprockets that we dance…”


    Congrat TFC!

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  2. What a ridiculous game, who could have predicted that?!

    Hope you all know the tickets are already on sale for the next game in Toronto. Got mine already!

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