The South Couch Report: Toronto vs Montreal

Montreal Impact as the Manic

The Part I Write Before The Match :

South Couch Report again?  Yeah, this weather makes me not want to go stand out in it for 3 hours or so, even if there is a trophy in the house. Fair weather fan, childhood me, hell even me from about 5 years ago sadly shakes his head, but whatever, fuck those guys, I can watch from home much more comfortably. I don’t care about the dumb toque that says Kia right on the front next to the TFC logo, and as for the trophy, well I was there when they won it, and I enjoyed the celebration then, I don’t specifically need to see it being handed over. Yes, trophies are pretty much the raison d’etre of professional sports, I do very much value this trophy, it’s a legitimate achievement, and having the trophy on hand when they actually won it would have added a lot to that night.  But now, well there’s a reason ‘post coital cigarette’ is a dated cliche, not ‘morning after cigarette’.

Anyway, hopefully the weather stay nice for those that went and the presentation and tifos and all that are cool.

As for the game, well TFC are already champions, Montreal are already knocked out of the playoffs, this means nothing really, but still there’s some importance to this one as a tune up for the playoffs. For a while there, TFC looked really fucking good. Then there was injuries, a whole series of comedic mishaps against the impact, a tough game in foxy Foxborough and all of a sudden a 2 game losing streak.  Sure they beat New York but they looked merely like a good team there, good enough to eventually eke out the win but one that was very much in a tight contest between equals.  It’d  be nice if TFC can get back to their all conquering ways, and they’ve got two games to try and get back in that rhythm before the playoffs get going.

With that said, here’s the lineup, and it’s full on first team, which apparently means Nico Hasler at right back rather than Steven Beitashour, which I think is a bit harsh really. And apparently Piatti’s not playing for Montreal so that should help.


Bold Predictions

  1. Giovinco scores direct from a free kick. North end, over the wall, top corner, goalie dives but doesn’t get it.
  2. At least 5 combined goals, it’s TFC v the Impact, crazy things often happen.
  3. At least one moment of torrential downpour, thus justifying me staying home.

After all the “Be there at 4:30!” tweets, seems like there’s still been no presentations of any kind and it’s currently 4:55. Yay for pointless scaremongering. On the plus side, as 5 rolls around, I’ll be able to watch it on tv.

No Honour guard from Montreal. boooo.

Nice little presentation, all the supporters group representatives playing nicely with each other and everyone gets the chance to hold it aloft. Lovely. Probably for the best all round really that the Toronto Tough Cuntz never became a thing.

On to the match

3′ – harmless cross into the box, Bono comes for it, kind of spills it, but fortunately this time the sloppiness isn’t punished.

6′ – TFC go kind of scrappily down the left, ball comes to Delgado, top of the box, hammers a hell of a shot, but off the bar.

11′ – After a corner, Altidore picks the ball up out by the touchline, tries to hammer it downfield, but instead hits it across the box (wind?) and Romero has a long low shot go just wide.

Goal 16′ – Mavinga fouls Mancuso, nothing given, then another scrappy buildup from TFC, but the ball breaks to Altidore in the box and he scores. Lovely. TFC 1-0 Cheesemakers.

Or maybe not. VAR is happening, not sure if they can go all the way back to the foul or not, looks like offside is what they’re checking, but it’s confirmed that it is a goal. Do the fireworks again!  Altidore sets his career record, with 14 goals this season.

19′ – Dzemaili crosses to Mancosu but Zavaleta is close enough to direct the shot just wide.

21′ – Moor misses a header from a long hoof (wind?) and thus Mancosu is wide open, but hits a pathetic shot right at Bono.

23′ – Vazquez corner, Moor heads it, is going wide and Hasler isn’t quite tall enough to be able to head it in.

Yellow card 26′ Bradley.  Camara was booked earlier as well, both for dissent. Unkle Ted doesn’t take no sass. It’s raining here in the Junction, probably coming to BMO field at any moment.

Yellow Card 29′ – Dzemaili for a clumsy though not malicious tackle on Morrow.

40′ – Free kick to Montreal, about 30 yards out. Hassoun Camara de Guzman’s it (wind?)

45′ – Bernadello with a long shot, Bono stops it but gives up a huge rebound to Mancosu (wind?).   Then he makes a great save on Mancosu’s shot, but he was offside.

45+1′ – Giovinco with a shot saved, then Giovinco gets into the box and gets tripped up. Penalty

45+2′ – Giovinco hits the post, but Crepeau had come about 3 yards off the line so Unkle Ted says to retake it, and he hits the post again!  Remarkable stuff. and now it’s half time.

Halftime mood:  Montreal really don’t like Unkle Ted.  Overall the game’s been scrappy (wind?), sloppy and TFC very lucky not to concede.  Hopefully with the wind behind them in the 2nd half TFC will look better.

51′ Corner to Montreal, Ciman goes for a header, injured by a Drew Moor elbow to the ribs and stays down. Somebody shoots and the ball hits the post, then the other post, then comes to Mancosu about 2 yards out with Bono sprawled in front of him, and somehow bundles the ball right into Bono and somehow it’s no goal.  Preposterous.

54′ – Free kick to Montreal about 30 yards out, Dzemaili de Guzman’s the fuck out of it (Wind?).

Yellow Card – 58′ Cabrera fouls Giovinco on the edge of the box.

59′ Giovinco let’s someone else take it. I kid, of course he doesn’t. 27 yards out, wind behind him. Went wall side, over the wall, but about a yard wide of the post.

Sub 61′ – Salazar on, Tabla off.

64′ – Giovinco in the box, tries to get cute and cross it, not a great choice, ball cleared.

65′ – Altidore rolls the ball to Giovinco wide open in the middle of the box 15 yards out, kind of falls over and de Guzman’s the shit out of it .

67′ Montreal down their right wing, pull a cross back and Mancosu finally gets a good shot off, Bono saves it though.

Sub 70′ – Osorio on, Zavaleta off. 4-4-2.

Sub 71′ – Bernier on, Bernadello off

Sub 74′ – Beitashour on, Hasler off

75′ – Dzemaili whips a free kick in, everyone misses it and it goes juuuuust wide of the post.

Sub 78′ – Oduro on, to a smattering of boos, and a T.O reject chant, Mancosu off.

Sub 85′ – Cheyrou on, Altidore off.

88′ – Giovinco has a go from about 25 yards out, gets it on target but Crepeau saves.

Full Time: Toronto 1: 0 Cheesemakers.

Underwhelming game really, though in tough conditions so maybe a bit much to ask too much from them. And to be fair, if Giovinco had his shooting boots on, he could have had a hat trick and it could have been 3 or 4-0 (well Montreal had some bad luck as well, so let’s go 3-2) so again, shouldn’t complain too much.

68 points now, equalled the record and just a tie against the AU guys next week would see them break the record. Nice.  More importantly, it’s time for more shield fun, this time the supporters giving it to the players to play with. This time the celebrations are set up right in the middle of the south stand, very inclusive, and a bunch of supporters stand with the players behind the advertising board. Bradley hoists it and then they pass it around and get photos taken and all that. Morrow, Beitashour, and Hernandez get a photo taken together, all yelling two times, given they won it with San Jose a few years back.

Man of the Match : No-one?  The Wind?  I guess Altidore for scoring a goal.

Goat of the Game : No-one looked great, but got to go with Seba here. 

Ref Rating : 2 out of 5. Always looked likely to do something weird, I’m sure Montreal would argue that he did. 

I Am Not The Gaffer, But… : Can’t complain, it’s the same team I’d have put out there, the subs made sense. All good, hopefully the performance will follow

In Case You PVR’d It : Meh, watch the presentations, and sure, watch the game if you like, but have a book to be reading with the game on in the background. 

Bold Predictions Results :

  1. Failed it. Couldn’t even score from the penalty spot.
  2. Failed it. Bah. Though the crazy things did happen, they actually stopped goals this time round, so I feel partly correct.  
  3. Failed it. For the best really. 


Player Ratings : Bono 6 , Hasler 6 (Beitashour N/A), Morrow 6, Moor 5.5, Zavaleta 6 (Osorio 6), Mavinga 6, Delgado 6, Bradley 6, Vazquez 6, Altidore 6.5 (Cheyrou N/A), Giovinco 5.5.  The Wind 8. 

Unused Substitutions : Irwin, Edwards, Cooper, Ricketts

Author: Duncan Fletcher

Blogging journeyman formerly of Cruel Geography and Waking the Red, also briefly with Sportsnet and every now and then with the Guardian. As a supporter of Darlington, TFC, England and Canada, football's been unfair and poking fun at Duncan for decades now, so it's only fair he does the same right back at it. Follow him on twitter @duncandfletcher

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1 Comment

  1. The only thing sharp in this game was both team’s tongues. And it didn’t stop until someone yelled “Unkel”.

    Despite the sloppiness, congratulations to the players and management of TFC on their record tying performance, this year.

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