The South Stand Report : Toronto v Montreal

Montreal Impact as the Manic


The Part I Write Before The Match :

I’m not going to lie to you, blog and readers, I’m almost idealist about everything with this side.  Tonight could just send me on a footie euphoria bubble that will float away.  It’s crazy to be this optimistic, where “burn it to the ground, start over” should’ve been, and could’ve been, the club motto [in latin, it’s : cremabit super terram initium ~ Ed.].

So Montreal come in after a spectacular 89th minute loss to Minnesota, and they’re expecting to bounce back.  Here?  Good luck with that dream.

Bold Predictions :

  1. Vazquez substitution
  2. Vazquez point
  3. Montreal DPs with zero goals between them

On to the Match :

10’ – GOAL – Wow. What the fuck was that calamity? Bono gets the ball on a back pass from Zavaleta, goes to clear it and smashes it into Piatti and rebounds back over the goal line.

12’ – GOAL – Fucking Donadel with a rocket to the top right corner, out of Bono’s reach. Is this the real life…

19’ – Cooper on the counter, can’t get the pass across to a Ricketts.

24’ – GOAL Piatti side steps a Zavaleta tackle attempt, then pots it top left corner. All class.

31’ – SUB – Spencer is going in for Zavaleta. Duncan postulates a formation change to a 4-4-2. Makes sense.

40’ – Kristin begs for one before half. Yeah, good luck with that dream… #embarassing

42’ – GOAL – They can’t all be pretty. Osorio on the left side, pokes a ball through, ricochets off a defender and beats the keeper. Well done Oso.

45+1’ – they’ve got a corner out of serious hustle…

Halftime Mood : well… That’s a half of soccer.

47’ – GOAL – Blown pass, counter attack, Camara slides it past Bono.

This could have been you Galaxy… This could have been all yours.

51’ – GOAL Jackson-Hamel gets a 2-on-0 break, keeps it, slides it past Bono.

56’ – SUB – Hasler in for Delgado?!? Dafuq…

58’ – Spencer gets clocked by the keeper, and they’ve called for VAR. Nothing in it.

64’ – Oso takes three or four touches… This is what it comes to, huh?

68’ – SUB – Edwards on for Mavinga. New theory… now hear me out… Maybe, just maybe, Vanney is secretly racist and can’t tell them apart. #maybe

77’ – GOAL – Cooper with the cross (fuck.) and Ricketts headed it under the bar.

78’ – GOAL – Oh fuck this. Ricketts. This isn’t happening.

I put the phone away. This was getting intense.  I need to bathe in this game if there’s more goals to happen.

4 minutes of extra time.

No more goals. Idealism is dead. Reality is OK. Better now than in November.

Full Time : Toronto 3, Montreal 5

Man of the Match : Ricketts

Goat of the Game : Cooper?

Ref Rating : 4 out of 5

I Am Not The Gaffer, But… : cremabit super terram initium. Kidding, but we need a backup Vazquez. Or a clone.

In Case You PVR’d It : You’ve got yourself a strange match that will leave you running the gamut of emotions.

Kit Spotting : I got new kits, but didn’t wear them.

Bold Predictions Results :

  1. Failed it. No Vazquez.
  2. Failed it. No Vazquez.
  3. Failed it. No Vazquez and Piatti with a brace.

So, what do you want to take away from this…

First, Vazquez is the engine. If you have a mom/aunt/nonna who makes the best chicken soup, you need to get her to make a pot and ship it to the KTG via medical helicopter (I assume that’s where all players recover, don’t they?). Man, we missed him.

Secondly, Montreal finally got their shit together long enough to win and look comprehensive about it. They are this good a side, just have rarely or inconsistently looked the part most of the season.

Thirdly, what happened to the defense? They were caught out so often, and burned for it, even after the 30th minute substitution and tactical change.

And what a fucked up game. I mean, beyond stupid. Concede two back to back, be down by four, mount a comeback with a back to back brace from Ricketts. It was just fucked up. I swore a lot, my hopes were ebbing and flowing, and I’m still processing it.  If they had actually tied the game at 5-5, you’d have witnessed a play where Toronto FC 2007 and Toronto FC From Saturday collided.

Player Ratings : Bono 6, Beitashour 6, Zavaleta 5 (Spencer 5.5), Moor 6, Mavinga 6 (Edwards N/A), Morrow 6, Delgado 5.5 (Hasler N/A), Bradley 5.5, Osorio 7, Cooper 5, Ricketts 8

Unused Substitutions : Irwin, Vazquez, Edwards, Chapman

Author: Mark Hinkley

Mark is a full-time graphic designer, full-time smart ass and full-time logo, stadium and kit nerd. When he isn't writing ridiculous match reports or redesigning logos for his own amusement, he's salivating over the day that promotion and relegation occurs in MLS. You can follow him @kitnerdmark on the twitterz.

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1 Comment

  1. Zavaleta happened, Bono happened and Moor wouldn’t run… until he found out J-H is faster than he is. Also and a big also, there were players getting a start, wanting to win more playing time based on less or little previous play time. The famous team depth got tested and laid bare.

    The Impact got a gift early and played very well.

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