THE STARTING 11: Improvements To CONCACAF Qualifying
For North America’s tall, goofy guy – yeah that’s us Canada – getting through the difficult maze of CONCA-wackiness that is World Cup Qualifying is no treat. We’ve had enough heartbreak to fill many a Sepp bladder but it’s not just our lack of success that’s tough to swallow but also the convoluted path teams like ours have to take for one of those sweet, sweet 3 1/2 berths this chunk of the world is given. Surely there are improvements for us Latino/Caribbean/Gringo go-getters as we aim for FIFA’s big show…
11. Countries that rhyme with “anada” get automatic berth
10. Local Belize TV channels get full broadcasting rights across the region
9. Panama’s national anthem replaced by Van Halen’s “Panama”
8. All neutral site matches in the Bermuda Triangle
7. No more haters – way more Haitis
6. Grenada live replaced with live grenades
5. If Dominica beats the Dominican Republic they get to keep the “N”
4. Turks and Caicos to change name to delicious-sounding Cakes and Tacos
3. One of the Virgin Islands to be de-flowered during preliminary round
2. Urine bag shot put as new tiebreaker
1. Less Hex – More sex
