THE STARTING 11: Jacob Peterson Tips for Celebrating Canada Day

jacob peterson

TFC has always been a rich tapestry of cultures and nationalities that reflects the city and county it calls home. Hell, this club is so inclusive it made Maicon Santos captain. As Reds supporters prepare to celebrate Canada Day this week, we thought it would be interesting to ponder what one ex-international Red – American Super Patriot Jacob Peterson – may recommend as the best ways to celebrate this big girthy nation…

11. Build a wall around BMO Field – make the CSA pay for it.

10. Have a big plate of poutine. Hold the cheese curds. And gravy. And add ketchup.

9. Find a moose. Shave its head, glue on some wings and a beak. Make it a real animal.

8. Figure out who this damn “Littlest Hobo” is and make sure he doesn’t try to cross the border.

7. Give statue of Sir Isaac Brock a wedgie until he agrees the War of 1812 was a draw.

6. Find Nickeback – tell them they are the best thing this country has going for it.

5. Crank call Manitoba.

4. Go to Niagara Falls and loudly marvel how straight and compact the American Falls are.

3. Find Degrassi Junior High – board up that filth-peddling hole once and for all.

2. Save your damn fireworks for three days.

1. Leave.

Author: Tony Walsh

Tony Walsh is a writer, former minor-league broadcaster and failed astronaut. Born into supporting an underachieving football club only to end up supporting a second underachieving football club - through what must be deemed as soft immigration policies - he continues to make terrible life choices. Walsh is a keen observer of the malarkey-rife sport of football and is considered one of the leading voices on the Collin Samuel Obesity Epidemic.

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