THE STARTING 11: Reasons for Canada Soccer’s Recent Woes

"Let's see your Tesho Akindele do this!"

“Let’s see your Tesho Akindele do this!”

Yes this is primarily a Toronto FC site and yes The Starting 11 is usually Reds or MLS specific but sometimes we have to root around our backyard. Amongst the recent weeds has been a largely mind-numbing journey with Canada Soccer. At press time (I have a fedora – shut it) whole flotillas of men’s and women’s national sides have not only failed to succeed in tournaments, but have managed to only find the net once – seriously, just ONE goal –  in nearly 600 minutes of soccer! Now we know that the CSA’s failings can’t be solved in the confines of an S11 (12 maybe) but there may be other circumstances that have lead to Canada Soccer’s cruel, cruel summer…

11. Squads lulled into pre-match relaxation by the soothing sounds of Caribbean national anthems

10. Lifting trophies one of the Top 500 leading causes of shoulder injuries

9. Plummeting Canadian exchange rates mean that goals would be practically worthless on the global market anyway

8. The Floro family pre-match buffet is way too starchy

7. Menacing stares from Bruce Twamley leave players feeling insecure

6. Raucous home support makes it hard to concentrate

5. Didn’t want to take away from the illustrious Pan Am Games event of Roller Figure Skating

4. Dazzled by the exotic nightlife of Hamilton, Ontario

3. A confused Canada Soccer Association mistakenly thought that “Under 23” was a height requirement in inches

2. Spooky font on the back of kits making players uneasy

1. Latin American opposition just too damn sexy!

Author: Tony Walsh

Tony Walsh is a writer, former minor-league broadcaster and failed astronaut. Born into supporting an underachieving football club only to end up supporting a second underachieving football club - through what must be deemed as soft immigration policies - he continues to make terrible life choices. Walsh is a keen observer of the malarkey-rife sport of football and is considered one of the leading voices on the Collin Samuel Obesity Epidemic.

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  1. I recommend we stick with the tapas for the WCQ.

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