THE STARTING 11: TFC Lawn Products


Congrats to the Redblacks – whatever one of those is – now get off our lawn! Yes the mulch-munching menace that is the CFL’s Grey Cup has come and gone from Canada’s National Soccer Stadium and leaves only the pitch condition fears of TFC supporters in its wake. This will be the biggest test so far for the genuinely laudable job BMO Field’s grounds crew has performed so far in 2016 but they do have some tricks up their sleeves. You see, when it comes to TFC pitches, the club itself has long been an innovator in the line of lawn care products…

11. Gro-Babouli (TM)

10. Michael Bradley Stares at your Grass (TM)

9. Mikael’s Your-Grass-Owsky (TM)

8. Collin Samuel Chews Your Cud (TM)

7. Jacob Peterson’s Semi-Automatic Freedom Turf (TM)

6. Koevermans’ Brand “Probably The Worst Fertilizer in the World” (TM)

5. HawkDroppings (TM)

4. Hscanovics’ Hand Massaged Lawns (TM)

3. Grovinco’s (TM)

2. Mow Johnston’s Five Year Plan (TM)

1. Mark Bloom (TM)

Author: Tony Walsh

Tony Walsh is a writer, former minor-league broadcaster and failed astronaut. Born into supporting an underachieving football club only to end up supporting a second underachieving football club - through what must be deemed as soft immigration policies - he continues to make terrible life choices. Walsh is a keen observer of the malarkey-rife sport of football and is considered one of the leading voices on the Collin Samuel Obesity Epidemic.

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