THE STARTING 11: Thoughts Greg Vanney May Have While High

Man smoking a joint

This is a work of fiction. I realize that you come to The Starting XI every week for hard-hitting factual journalism, but this is a speculative piece. By no means are we implying Greg Vanney has ever been under the influence of any narcotics. He doesn’t even seem the type to take an extra large gulp of cough medicine. That being said, stuffs gonna be legal up here soon and after this homestand – who could blame him? Of course, some wacky thoughts would be sure to keep the managing boy genius up at night…

11. “Robin Fraser is the Lizard King!”

10. “What if my salmon shirts all swam up the Humber river at the same time?!”

9. “Wait. Are hamstrings ACTUALLY stringy ham?”

8. “Will Johnson? Well, will he?!”

7. “Why does the government not let me play my 1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1 formation?”

6. “SebaSebaSebaSebaSebaSeba”

5. “Is there a Gregg Truckey out there?”

4. “What is Bezbatchenko hiding behind that beard?”

3. “I bet it would have worked if they had been called Chives USA. Everybody enjoys chives.”

2. “I see you looking at me Bitchy. I SEE YOU!”

1. “All this. I’ve given these cretin supporters all this and they still like Chris Cummins better!”

Author: Tony Walsh

Tony Walsh is a writer, former minor-league broadcaster and failed astronaut. Born into supporting an underachieving football club only to end up supporting a second underachieving football club - through what must be deemed as soft immigration policies - he continues to make terrible life choices. Walsh is a keen observer of the malarkey-rife sport of football and is considered one of the leading voices on the Collin Samuel Obesity Epidemic.

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