THE STARTING 11: Unused Elements of the Cancelled TFC Championship Parade

We were so close. Inches away really. What a letdown! Yeah the fancy trophy would have been nice and all – but I mean the parade! Thousands, if not millions, billions even, lining the streets of Toronto to fete MLS Cup Winners Toronto FC. But no, teams that take shots on goal aren’t so lucky meaning that parade preparations that were well underway, left a bunch of floats and features forever mothballed…

11. The Al O’Cation Irish Folk Dancers

10. Maxim Usanov vs The Police Horses

9. Benoit Cheyrou on a velvet pillow smoking pack after pack of high tar French cigarettes

8. The Upside Down Clowns that Montreal fans think they’re brilliantly insulting by calling them “clowns”

7. Gingerbread men released on waivers

6. Seattle supporters who missed their flights… in cages!

5. Giant inflated balloon floats of Raivis Hscanovics’ massaging hands

4. The Cavalcade of Bitter Argos

3. “Chippy” The 10 Year Old Chip Butty

2. Tosaint Ricketts being introduced far too late

1. Driving that cursed double decker bus into the Toronto Harbour for good

Author: Tony Walsh

Tony Walsh is a writer, former minor-league broadcaster and failed astronaut. Born into supporting an underachieving football club only to end up supporting a second underachieving football club - through what must be deemed as soft immigration policies - he continues to make terrible life choices. Walsh is a keen observer of the malarkey-rife sport of football and is considered one of the leading voices on the Collin Samuel Obesity Epidemic.

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