THE STARTING 11: Unusual CBA Demands From The MLS Players Union

“Strike! Strike! Strike!” No, not the fruitless begging pleas of Toronto FC supporters towards their forwards, but the possible chant from an MLS Players Union picket line. It’s true foot and ball fans of the Northern Americas, the start of the 2015 MLS season could very well be delayed by a work stoppage! While the league and its players continue to attempt forging a new collective bargaining agreement, things are yet to be settled. While the big issues are salary caps and free agency there are a few other unusual demands coming out from players on certain clubs…

11. PHILADELPHIA UNION: An immediate league-wide ban on “BIMBO” jokes
10. NEW YORK CITY FC: Home Run bonuses
9. LA GALAXY: Bruce Arena renovations
8. REAL SALT LAKE: Full health benefits for multiple wives
7. HOUSTON DYNAMO: Annual VIP passes to Club Escobar
6. PORTLAND TIMBERS: A higher base salary… or free skinny jeans
5. MONTREAL IMPACT: A special retirement plan aimed at elderly Italians
4. CHICAGO FIRE: Immediate cancellation of far more popular “Chicago Fire” TV show
3. TORONTO FC: Non-playoff bonuses
2. COLUMBUS CREW: Mandatory Crew Cat vaccinations
1. NEW ENGLAND REVOLUTION: Musket danger pay