South Couch Report: Toronto FC vs DC United

DC United as the DC Diplomats

The Part I Write Before :

Very hectic evening. The same reason I didn’t go to the game is the same reason I missed the first ten minutes or so, and by the time I’ve finished dinner it’s gone horribly wrong. Anyway.

On to the Match :

37′ Alright, let’s get this fired up, TFC are 2-0 down, and are really not looking good.

Goal – 45′ Bono’s made a bunch of good saves, but then with TFC hoping to get to half time for ye olde hairdrying and regroup, Zavaleta coughs the ball up absolutely horribly and a couple of passes later Darren fucking Mattocks scores to make it 3-0. Woof.

Halftime Mood: Well that was all sorts of shit, I’d say that was worse then when the B team got hammered in Houston. Other obvious taking point would be the crowd, Inebriatti sanctioned and thus deciding to take their ball home (I thought it was all about the team, no?) and other supporters groups either being quiet in solidarity or just completely uninspired.  Football without ultras is nothing says a lonely looking banner. Crowd as a whole looks pretty small really, presumably a lot of them put off by the weather.  Anyway, world cup 2026, Canada will get to host 1/8th of it. Whooooo.  And the world cup starts tomorrow, so that’s something I guess.  Meanwhile in Voyageurs Cup action, L1O’s Oakville Blue Devils are losing 1-0 to Quebec’s Ass Blainville at half time, 3-1 on aggregate all together.

2nd half will hopefully be a lot better.

Sub: Ricketts is on for Zavaleta, maybe that’ll help.  Apparently this is the first time TFC have been down 3-0 at home at half time since May 2011 vs Philadelphia.  I was in the press box for that one and TFC put up a bit of a barnstorming fight before inevitably giving up counter attack goals and losing 6-2.  That’s not implausible here.

48′ Vazquez fouled, Giovinco with the free kick, about 20 yards out, hits it into the wall, groin height.

Goal: 51′ TFC move down the left, ball cut back by Telfer to the onrushing Osorio in acres of space and he makes no mistake and it’s 3:1.  Game on? It’s following the 2011 v Union 6-2 game template for the 2nd half so far.

Sub: Telfer off, Morrow on.

58′ Somebody fouled, Giovinco with another free kick, 30 yards out, Gets it over the wall, but well wide.

62′ Giovinco put through, decent chance, Ousted saves it.

Goal: 64′ Giovinco from edge of box beats the goalie, but not the post, but Vazquez picks up a very tricky rebound and does remarkably well to keep it under control and into the net and it’s 3-2.  Well then.

66′ Giovinco tripped, probably about 30 yards out, I’m sure he’ll shoot again. I’m not expecting good things. He slips at the wrong moment and hits it into the wall, then eventually Bradley has a shot that goes horribly wrong. Orlando’s implosion continues as they lose 3-0 to Montreal!!!  Other good times for Quebec as Ass Blainville win and advance to play Ottawa in the next round.

71′ DC counter, and almost get a good chance but Michael Bradley with a sliding interception at the top of the box to stop that.

79′ Gorgeous move in close, Hasler passing to Osorio who has a lovely touch to get himself a chance but Ousted comes out and blocks it.

Goal: 86′ Nice move down the left, then the ball gets thrown into the mixer and the big man up front wins a header. The Slammin’ Salmon Nick Hagglund from about the 6 yard box and it’s 3-3!  ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED!

89′ Another free kick, about 25 yards out, Seba way over the bar. Fucks sake.  6 minutes of injury time!

Goal 90′ DC break, it’s clumsy but eventually sub Patrick Mullins gets the ball across to Asad who taps in the empty netter.  Cruel, but it’s 4-3 DC.

Goal: 90+ 2 Once again, the ball thrown into the mixer, and it’s the big man in the box getting his head on it. The Slammin’ Salmon Nick Hagglund at the back post this time and goes back across the goalie and it’s 4-4. Wheeeeeeeeeeee!

90+5′ Asad misses a very good chance to get his hat-trick and win the game.

Full Time: ‘It was a game of two halves Brian’ as the cliche goes. Entertaining stuff, but that’s 2 more points dropped really isn’t it?

Man of the Match : Harsh on Nick Hagglund but got to go with Bono for the first half saves.
Goat of the Game : Zavaleta.  Happy to have him back from injury, but good god that was a bad 45 minutes.
Ref Rating : 3 out of 5, Quiet in the first half, then seemed to get more erratic as the game went on as to what was and wasn’t a free kick. DC seemed particularly unhappy with him.
I Am Not The Gaffer, But… : Good hairdrying and lineup adjustments for the 2nd half, but that was a sloppy sloppy first half for whatever reason.
In Case You PVR’d It : Watch the whole thing. The first half shitshow really sets up the 2nd half stuff.

That was a weird game. TFC are a weird team. Horrible in the first half, so much sloppy passing and giveaways and general looking like they’d never come across each other, or the concept of playing in the wind before.  2nd half clearly much better. 2 more dropped points.

Player Ratings: Bono 8, Hagglund 7.5 Zavaleta 4 (Ricketts 6), van der Wiel 6, Auro 6, Bradley 6, Osorio 6.5, Hasler 7, Telfer 6 (Morrow 6.5), Vazquez 6, Giovinco 6.5

Unused Substitutions: Irwin, Hernandez, Aketxe, Mino, Fraser.

Duncan Fletcher

Author: Duncan Fletcher

Blogging journeyman formerly of Cruel Geography and Waking the Red, also briefly with Sportsnet and every now and then with the Guardian. As a supporter of Darlington, TFC, England and Canada, football's been unfair and poking fun at Duncan for decades now, so it's only fair he does the same right back at it. Follow him on twitter @duncandfletcher

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1 Comment

  1. Oso on the CMNT is something I am waiting to see, Oso may even light a fuse under Larin the way he is playing.

    Vaquez is this grand-master-czar at scoring a dead flat rebound, off the woodwork, off the keeper, off the defender, but it has to be dead flat.

    Hagglund…the gait, the locomotive like actions and now the goals.

    I have kind of resigned myself to missing the playoffs, the team may make it happen as this is MLS, but… This team is SO demotivated at times, what is it, who is it…Aketex?

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