The South Stand Report : Toronto v Portland

Old Portland logo with new colours

 

The Part I Write Before The Match :

I honestly don’t know what to put here. I expect Toronto to field a good team. Portland will do the same. Hopefully it doesn’t rain. Um… No lightning delays either.

Toronto came off a less than good outing against a very underachieving, bottom of the table DC and salvaged a draw. After struggling against the poor teams in this league, pattern dictates Portland is going to get a beating.

Bold Predictions :

  1. Valeri get a goal or assist
  2. We will get to experience VAR in person tonight
  3. Toronto wins by 2

On to the Match :

15’ – Portland keeper goes down clutching his leg, decides he wants to continue.

17’ – Portland keeper restarts the game, clears the ball and immediately calls for a sub.

18’ – Meanwhile, Hagglund goes down in an odd tackle and stays down.

19’ – SUB – Hagglund off for Hernandez. Also Portland gets their sub but I don’t report such things.

21’ – Altidore lays off a pretty ball into the path of Giovinco and Vytas, my player to watch, makes an absolute nanners tackle to sweep the scoring opportunity at the doorstep away.

23’ – Delgado… C’mon Marky, one touch. Talk to Osorio about what we’ve been saying about the first touch, it changed his career.

54’ – YELLOW – Seba for something

58’ – GOAL – Seba hooks a ball in that gets cleared, then recovered and sent down the left to Morrow, who rockets one over the keeper. Magical.
ROBINS 1, HIPSTERJACKS 0

60’ – Vazquez with a marker bearing down on him fires a shot from inside the penalty area just left of the goal.

68’ – Altidore gets in on goal and fires a low shot heading to the bottom right but backup keeper gets a hand to it and pushes it past the post.

72’ – GOAL – That’s just class. Seba slots a low ball across the face of goal and Vazquez side-foots it in.
ROBINS 2, HIPSTERJACKS 0

76’ – GOAL – The entertainers are here! A back heel, some misdirection, and it ends with Morrow blasting one in. Amazing stuff.
ROBINS 3, HIPSTERJACKS 0

79’ – SUB – Osorio off for Vazquez.

83’ – SUB – Ricketts on for Altidore

85’ – Delgado threads a beautiful ball into the box and Seba has to lunge to get a foot to it but pulls it wide.

87’ – GOAL – Ball played ahead to Ricketts who gets clattered, but the ref let it play and Delgado picked up the loose ball and ONE TOUCH buries it Morrow-styles.
ROBINS 4, HIPSTERJACKS 0

89’ – GOAL Diego Valeri runs about ten yards, beating a few defenders and pops it over Bono’s left side.
ROBINS 4, HIPSTERJACKS 1

3 mins of extra time

Full Time : Toronto 4, Portland 1

Man of the Match : So many good performances, Morrow for the brace

Goat of the Game : pass

Ref Rating : 3 out of 5, he let alot go but it was even

I Am Not The Gaffer, But… : Masterclass

In Case You PVR’d It : it’s an interesting game. Watch it all.

Kit Spotting : Duncan wore his 90-91 Darlington home kit and it’s gloriously dated.

Bold Predictions Results :

  1. Nailed it. And Valeri walked it in. Sorta.
  2. Failed it. No VAR.
  3. Nailed it. Called it with one to spare.

First off, full marks to the Portland away supporters. I think it’s sad that they have their seats all the way out in Markham (north east corner), especially how much they can offer a match in terms of atmosphere.  Can we FIND a way to put them in the north end? They deserve to be on the telly especially if they’re travelling over 4,200 km to be here… Giovinco was bullied and clattered a bit today and kept his composure. Made a bunch of good runs and passes. I like this Seba… When I realized Valeri had the ball at four-nil and was attacking the penalty area, I figured that this would be the type of goal that would ruin the clean sheet, and it did… I half expected Morrow to get the hook once he bagged his second. It’s a pattern… There seemed to be some fanciness amongst some of the plays and ball movement. I suppose “class” would be an appropriate word too. Back heels, awareness of teammates, some absurd luck for variety… Delgado must of heard out protestations after his first touch gave a defender enough time to block his shot. He made more mistake the second time. Well taken sir… I miss Cheyrou warming up. I hope he’s doing well… There was an odd sigh of relief when the first goal went in. Lately it feels like they outplay their opposition and get a point. There was a larger sigh when the second one went in… Did The Sun nick the Godfather tifo idea, was it coordinated or was it coincidence? I suppose I could look it up but the phone is dying [Edit : the Sun image in question was from January 2015, and was confused by a tweet that I assumed meant the article was published the day before the game.  My apologies to all involved and any confusion that may have caused.  It was truly brilliant.]… Y’all should try foot-golf.  It’s fun.

Player Ratings : Bono 6, Zavaleta 6.5, Mavinga 6, Hagglund N/A (Hernandez 6.5), Hasler 6, Morrow 8.5, Vazquez 7.5 (Osorio N/A), Delgado 7, Bradley 7, Giovinco 7, Altidore 6.5 (Ricketts N/A)

Unused Substitutions : Irwin, Endoh, Chapman, Edwards

Mark Hinkley

Author: Mark Hinkley

Mark is a full-time graphic designer, full-time smart ass and full-time logo, stadium and kit nerd. When he isn’t writing ridiculous match reports or redesigning logos for his own amusement, he’s salivating over the day that promotion and relegation occurs in MLS. You can follow him @kitnerdmark on the twitterz.

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1 Comment

  1. You are right, Vanney needs to rig the table so the next opponent always appears to be nipping at the Reds heels. And the players need to live by those ancient cliches, “I never look at the standings” and “I always give 110%”.

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