Category: Malarkey
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Not Necessarily the Eastern Conference: Your Guide to Some-Things MLS
West may be best for baby (We saw it on Wikipedia) but the East is where it’s at yo! That’s right, hot off the heels of our highly factualish and influentialesque MLS Western Conference preview, we shift focus to the continent’s eastern seaboard… also Columbus. Whatevs – we’re inclusive. Everyone on this continent knows east…
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Not Necessarily the Western Conference: Your Guide to Some-Things MLS
Cup your groins in your hands North America – you’re about to be First Kicked. The most majorest of this continent’s major league soccer leagues not in Mexico – Major League Soccer – is back for 2015! That’s right, Commissioner Don Garber has been busy buffing balls as another season is set to begin –…
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Do You Want To Play Some Football? Join the Vocal Minority MLS Fantasy Leagues!
Do you think you know MLS? Want to build a team and compete against the VMP and other community anoraks? Like the challenge of losing half of your team due to a bye-week? If you at least shrugged your shoulders and said ‘sure, why not’ to at least one of those, then sign up today…
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MASCOT HYSTERIA: Roelio v Sammy the Stag
Welcome back to all of you bloodthirsty fans of head-to-head mascot massacres! Mascot Hysteria is back for a matchup of plush pugilism and we have a dandy for you in this round. Despite his nocturnal refrigerator dump taking ways, the rotund mole from Scotland’s Montrose FC – Monty Mole – turned out to be no…
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THE STARTING 11: Unusual CBA Demands From The MLS Players Union
“Strike! Strike! Strike!” No, not the fruitless begging pleas of Toronto FC supporters towards their forwards, but the possible chant from an MLS Players Union picket line. It’s true foot and ball fans of the Northern Americas, the start of the 2015 MLS season could very well be delayed by a work stoppage! While the…
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THE STARTING 11: TFC Oscars Introductions
What is the only thing longer than sitting through the next TFC Five-Year Plan? The Academy Awards ceremony! The annual homage to Hollywood’s finest (except the shameful shunning of Scott Baio’s 1982 opus Zapped!) usually runs for a solid thirty hours, testing the most dedicated viewer. A bit like 2014 at BMO Field. Much of…
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MASCOT HYSTERIA: Roelio v Monty Mole
Thanks for joining us you fiendish fans of fuzzy fightin’ for the latest round of Mascot Hysteria – where football mascots from around the world battle to the plushest of ends. Coming into this round, the reigning champion – LA Galaxy’s extraterrestrial lothario Cozmo – looked unstoppable but was forced to face one of the…
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THE STARTING 11: Failed TFC Valentine’s Day Card Messages
If you’re reading this alone then it probably means your Valentine’s plans didn’t go too well. If you are reading this alongside a romantic partner… then lock that up. Someone who will read the dopey musings of a TFC website with you? KEEPER! (Not the Bendik variety) Perhaps if you were unsuccessful, you didn’t buy…
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Red Hot Reds’ Supporters Romance Quiz 2015
“BMO Field is for Lovers”… said no t-shirt ever. Despite that, today is the day to stop fretting over the Gilberto transfer and dote upon that special person in your life. And no – we don’t mean Sebastian Giovinco. It’s Valentine’s Day – the day to celebrate all things amour… because French stuff is so…
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THE STARTING 11: Giovinco-esque nicknames for other Toronto FC players
By now you’ve heard it hundreds of times – “The Atomic Ant”. That is of course the nickname long bestowed upon TFC’s minute midfielder/odd tattoo enthusiast Sebastian Giovinco. Based on an obscure television cartoon, the moniker is meant to illustrate how The Reds’ 5’5″ superstar overcomes his minute stature to perform tasks far beyond his…