Leiwekepedia

A

Al O’Cation
Mythical Irish International footballer available on transfer via MLS funny-money

B

Big Boy Pants
Figurative item of clothing local writers are advised to wear by International football legends

Bitchy the Hawk
Bird of prey put into life of slavery to appease faux-identity of local football club

Bloodied Big Eels
The analogous aftermath of the Big Bloody Deal failures

Bloody Big Deal, A
Promotional catch-all for TFC’s 2014 DP signings particularly Jermain Defoe

BMO Field Black Cat, The
The living animal-embodiment of TFC’s general existence

BMO Field Squirrel, The
Small urban rodent known for having a better run on goal than 94% of TFC strikers

Braunaldo
Highly skilled mythical alter-ego of forward Justin Braun

Brazilian scouting trip
Annual mythical talent-spotting trip to South America by former TFC boss Maurice Johnston

C

Caldwell Arms, The
Legendary Faux-British pub and most alarming part of defender Steven Caldwell’s game

Captain America
Extreme patriot midfielder Jacob Peterson

Cesspools
Independent online TFC news sources (aka: blogs)

Chad, The
Shortened moniker of legendary striker Chad Barrett

Cheesemakers, The
Local-based nickname of Montreal Impact

Chip Butty
Noble British sandwich laid to waste at Toronto’s BMO Field

Crew Cat
Columbus Crew mascot and Anti-Feline Aids crusader

D

Dong Grabber
Buffoonish alter-ego of MLS Commisioner Don Garber

Dufferin bus, The
Mode of transport to and from matches for former professional footballer Andrea Lombardo

E

Escobar 3, The
Trio of arrested TFC players Miguel Aceval, Luis Silva and Nick Soolsma at Houston, Texas nightspot

F

Fagundez!
MLS catch-all curse word

Five-Year Plan
A continuous loop of half-decade periods used to extend TFC’s “rebuilding” process

Frings!
The holy alliance of French Fries and Onion Rings (Also: German International legend Torsten Frings)

G

Gnats Match
Annual spring fixture where midges incubate and invade every orifice of BMO Field spectators

Gabe Gala, A
Succeeding at a goal in extremely unlikely circumstances

Get outta Harmse way
Sage advice given to all opponents of defender Kevin Harmse

Get used to it
A convenient yet patronizing dismissal of supporter concerns (See: Kevin Payne)

Goalblerone, The
Swiss goalkeeper Stefan Frei

H

Horse punching
The ambiguously fictional charge laid against Russian defender Maxim Usanov

I

Inhumane
Alleged treatment of Canadian legend Issey Nakajima-Farran by TFC management

Invisible Cheques
Financial device for employees seeking a visual displeasure regarding their current wage

J

Julian B. Guzman
Apparent name of wealthy bail bond provider (See: Escobar 3, The)

Julio Cesar’s Tiny Towel
Alarmingly small groin covering for a weeping, emotional goalkeeper

K

Kevin Payne
MLS executive who apparently knew more about Toronto football than you. (See: Get used to it)

L

Laura Mercier
Skin care product choice of only the most wealthy of TFC players

LeiwekeLeaks
The mysterious occurance where insider knowledge of TFC somehow reaches particular news outlets only

Loansharks, The
TFC affiliate club Wilmington Hammerheads

Loge Box
Home of the worst possible attendee at a Toronto FC match

M

Malvern Molasses
Jamaican-Canadian TFC draft pick and genteel jogger O’Brian White

Mellberg’d
The overruling of a short-sighted aquistion by a higher authority

Mickey Mouse Cup, The
Dismissive title of annual pre-season Walt Disney World-based friendly tournament

Mike Sanders
The completely non-Brazilian, yet most witnessed, alter-ego of Maicon Santos

Mista
The act of receiving compensation for nothing

Mitsou
The best thing to come out of Quebec

Modern Era, The
A historical period in football’s timeline where prolific strikers make their mark (See: Wet Wiedeman)

Montreal Miracle, The
Colossal 6-1 comeback win for TFC in Canadian Championship vs. Montreal Impact

Muggsy Joaogues
The centaur-like mixture of diminutive athletes Muggsy Bogues and Joao Plata

N

Nathan Sturgis, A
A poorly-timed, failure of a transaction in an attempt to assert power

Not an ordinary fullback
Richard Eckersley’s scouting report of defender Richard Eckersley

NutCan
Street-slang name for The Canadian Championship trophy (aka The Voyageurs Cup)

O

Ol’ Gil
Wolf-baiting alter-ego of Brazilian forward Gilberto

One in Six
A player who performs reasonably well once out of every six matches (See: Reginald Thompson-Lambe)

P

Poor Mark Bloom
The 2014 global financial crisis faced by defender Mark Bloom

Preki’s Plumbers
Blue-collar charges signed under caustic manager Preki in order to not undermine his authority

Q

R

Raivis fingers
A reassuring massage from a Latvian gentleman during a heated exchange (See: Invisible Cheque)

Randy Savage International Airport
The finest International airport in Columbus, Ohio

Reginald Thompson-Lambe
Unusually regal full name of Bermudian footballer and patois aficiando Reggie Lambe

S

Screech
Hairsute alter-ego of defender Logan Emory

Shorts!
Garb of choice for only the most discerning of football managers who seek an air of competence

Super Pickle
TFC goalkeeper Joe Bendik’s superhero alter-ego

T

Tassels
Sartorial flourish added to football socks (See: Terry F*cking Dunfield)

TBez
Child prodigy salary wonk turned bearded GM with nerd-strength

Terry F*cking Dunfield
Football journeyman and general gentleman known for occasional heroic outbursts

Tis’ a pity
Anglo-Dutch expression of major disappointment

Tony Touch
Ghanaian holding midfielder Tony Tchani

Try Harder
The frustrating yet blue-collar alter-ego of defender Ty Harden (See: Preki’s Plumbers)

U

V

W

Wet Wiedeman
A professional footballer incapable of scoring goals outside of torrential downpours

Worst team in the world
The justified analysis of Dutch footballer Danny Koevermans regarding TFC

WTFC
A useful blend of poplular phrase “What the f*ck?” and club nickname “TFC”

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Y

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