Episode 205 – 17/09/21 #TextCasting

This week the gang, well the gang’s actually not all here as for a variety of reasons they couldn’t make it the VMP Studios; however that didn’t stop us so welcome to our first ever Podcast In Print.  In this episode Mark gets mad at the gang for not paying homage to the passing of a wrestling great, Duncan somehow links Darlington and Boston, Tony has wordplay go wasted and Kristin wonders what made her think this was a good idea.

Give us a rating on iTunes, when you get a chance. It would help immensely.

 

 

Press play (and stop at 0:32 for the authentic feeling) and get ready for some reading! https://youtu.be/tcsWuovVr8o?t=4s

Live! From a BBC Teletext page, it’s the Vocal Minority Podcast!

K: Hello and welcome to this week’s episode of the Vocal Minority Podcast!  The podcast that’s been struggling with this positivity thing, but hey why not embrace it! On this week’s episode we look back at the triumph in LA, look ahead to not one but two matches – and more!  And now, to this week’s panel:

He’s on vacation, so umm, that’s why he’s not here – it’s Duncan Fletcher! 

Also not here because of a crazy work assignment, welcome to Mark Hinkley!

He would have been here but we told him no, he’s Tony Walsh

*Kristin looks around at the chips, veggies and hummus* As for me, I’ve got a Monday night to myself – I am your host Kristin Knowles.

First up on this week’s show; the LA Galaxy post-match!  The black hole has already swallowed them up as the Galaxy of old were nowhere to be seen.  Toronto put in a dominant performance in a stadium that has traditionally been a difficult place for TFC to play.  From the comedy from TSN (Ashtone Morrow guys?  Stop trolling me), to the delightful goals, to Toronto just running riot – well that was all kinds of silly fun and worth staying up for. *lots of imaginary nodding and agreement noises from around the “table”* The game put Toronto firmly in the driver’s seat (where they’ve been for most of the season) and have them in good shape going into this week.

Moment of the Match:
M: That first goal. Not only did everyone on LA watch the free kick, most of them watched Moor superman-header the rebound.
D: Given Mavinga seems ok, that moment’s not as big as it might have been, so the first goal, that killed the game off right there, and Jon Kempin’s ‘wha happened? face was magnificent.
T: Drew Moor’s “Holy Ghosting” of the Galaxy backline (and linesman) while they were having a leisurely chat about the weather.
K: Someone start winding up the klaxon…(D: Ahhhh-woooo….), that was such a ridiculous moment – but good on VV to take it and even better from Moor to recognize what he was doing.  Awesome stuff.
Everyone: Ahwooga!!

Man of the Match:
D: Ricketts: two goals, could have been more, all round menace really.
T: The Double V’s – the best player you can get on non-DP money
M: Victor Vazquez.
K: And we’ve got a tie!  I too went with Ricketts – great performance, took full advantage of starting – just fun.

VanneyTactics:
T: We called for rotation on the last show – he listened. It paid off. You’re welcome Greg.
M: That man is a genius and I’m starting a rumour that he’s about to be poached to manage a Bundesliga 3 side.  Probably Cheminitzer FC or Carl Zeiss Jena (that’s for Tony) *Tony gives an approving nod*
D: no complaints really, same old same old at this point really, even with no Seba and Jozy. Once the first went in, it was all over. nice to see we’ve figured out how to crush crap teams as well now.
K: Exactly – hard to fault anything on the night – best team he could have fielded, crushed the opposition, solid performances – good stuff.

What did Sigi rage eat after the match?:
T: The whole squad’s post-match meals. Just to prove a point.
D: The defender who left the ball for the 4th goal.  Have you seen or heard from him since? Didn’t think so.
M: A Korean-Mexican fusion taco truck clean out. (ask me what it’s called)… Kimmichungas. (pause for laughter) *hysterical laughter from the “table”*
K: And this is why I don’t go after Mark.  I said nothing – he was so upset and angry that he actually lost his appetite!

MLS Wins & Losses: This is where Wins & Losses usually goes, but due to time, technical difficulties and my not being able to figure out how to make funny voices in print (seriously why did I think this was a good idea?), they’ll be no Wins & Losses this week – we’re sorry.  It’ll be back next week, better than ever!  In the meantime, please enjoy these highlights from TFC’s win over the Galaxy.

Montreal Preview:
K: Quelle strie chaude?  Looks like the cheesemakers may have gotten too hot as their recent form – four straight losses – has them simmering below the red line and out of a playoff spot.  Which should make for a hell of a match up against their biggest rivals, who are undefeated at home, that are on a six game winning streak…what could possibly go wrong?  Nothing, this should be a win for Toronto even with missing players.  I mean if they can destroy the Galaxy on the road, should be no problem at Fortress BMO against the floundering Impact. *editor’s note – hubris is hell*

Player To Watch:
D: Dzemailli, if only to say someone other than Piatti.
T: Oduro because of course
M: Dzemali?  I know I usually say Piatti because he’s amaze-balls, but sure, we’ll go with him. Bagged a nice one in the collapse against Minnesota.
K: Jackson-Hamel – the kid’s been playing very well of late and hey, talented Canadians are fun to watch.

VanneyTactics:
T: I think he’s going to more or less go for it in the hopes that the New England match on Saturday may have shades of the LA match what with their sudden turmoil.
D:  Health worries aside, play the strongest team.
M: Won’t be terribly surprised if we only get Vazquez for half a match as he is ill but recovering.
K: Yeah this is always a big match, so as many players that are healthy from the usual XI should be out there to start the game.

Is this potentially the most exciting game of the season?
D: Probably yes, there’s been very little tension and really the rest of the regular season doesn’t really mean much, so why not find meaning in finally crushing Montreal’s playoff hopes, that’s something to actually give a shit about in this game.
T: No Wednesday match can be. It will be a good one though.
K: Outside of the playoffs?  It has all the markings of such – I say yes, these games are always crazy – let the excitement begin!
M: Yes, for all sorts of reasons.  1) chasing the record, 2) chasing the shield, 3) around this time last year, we were getting quietly excited about winning the whole thing (and they’re even better this season), 4) just smashed LA without Mr. Goals and Signore Gol in the lineup. 5) Montreal collapsed under the pressure of a mediocre team last week.  This can only FAIL I’m so confident.

What should Joey Saputo have actually said in his apology letter to Impact fans?
D:  I apologise for building a shitbox of a stadium, that doesn’t even have proper toilets, and for building a team so shitty that Dan Lovitz can get very significant minutes, and for wasting Patrice Bernier’s last season with this disappointment.
T: “The Brie’s on me!”
M: “Je me suisse désolé”, because Swiss is a type of cheese and I’m pretty sure that’s hilarious since they don’t make it.
K: “You don’t like Piatti?  Oh, and sorry about Drogba.  And all that stuff with the team being bad.”
M: Speaking of apologizing (Kristin tries to stop the interruption but has lost control of the keyboard), I just want to say that we lost a legend of broadcasting and I am disappointed that it’s me who is bringing it up. Bobby The Brain Heenan has entertained people for a generation, and you ham and egger humanoids refuse to mention the man. Frankly I’m disappointed in the news and disappointed that we’ve waited this long in the show to talk about it.  Rest in peace Bobby.  May you walk out with Andre the Giant and Big John Studd at the main event of Heavenmania 3. 

Predictions:
D: 3-1 to toronto
T: 2-1 TFC
M: 3-1 to the mighty robins
K: 2-1 for Toronto – not surprisingly we’re all in agreement! *Editor pops up again shaking its head sadly*

TFC Chat:

K: This is the part of the show where we talk about other TFC stuff; however this week with so much game stuff happening we’re only going to do our weekly look at a former TFC player, that’s right it’s time for Where Are They Now? So press play and enjoy some Rockapella while you read:
This week’s player is a former Canadian international, was once a mainstay in Toronto FC’s defense and will forever be referred to with “young” in front of his name – that’s right it’s Nana Attakora!
Nana signed with Toronto FC in the summer of 2007 (though he didn’t make his debut until 2008 due to injury. He worked his way into the first team in 2009 and by 2010 he was part of the go to centreback pairing – highlighted by his game winning goal against Arabe Unido in the Concacaf Champions League.  The following year he was part of a multi-player trade that saw him go to the San Jose Earthquakes.  Since then he’s bounced around quite a bit – playing with Haka in Finland in between stints of limited playing time in San Jose, he then joined the San Antonio Scorpions in the NASL in 2015, then the Fort Lauderdale Strikers in 2016 and he’s now with the San Francisco Deltas where he is the team captain.  Still miss you Nana and continue to hope that some day you’ll make it back to the Canadian team, if not the MLS (or maybe the CPL?)

Tea Terrorists Preview:

Throw another MLS coach on the scrap heap! (get it? eh? you guys are no fun) *Editor’s note – Kristin threw a carrot across the room assuming the guys were not giving her pun any love* – Jay Heaps is the latest coach to be sacked this season – this after being dismantled by the AU guys 7-0 last week.  Also not helped was the Revs woeful road record – not a single win and only 3 points recorded – having a very solid home record (actually one of the best in the league) wasn’t enough to balance that out and he’s done.  Just in time for Toronto to visit this weekend!  TFC are again travelling without Seba & Jozy but hey, who needs those guys?  This is also the game in which TFC could clinch the Supporters Shield – so no pressure on either team.
(Tony looks at Duncan and pulls and imaginary string…“Hey Duncan, did Darlington ever play a team from Boston? *Kristin throws another carrot* A Boston team…I remember playing Boston back in 1990, won 6-1,David Cork – generally old and fat and didn’t score much – scored 4 goals. Magic. 

Player To Watch:
D: Kei Kamara, seems to have started scoring goals recently so that seems dangerous.
T: Lee Nguyen but really London Woodbury because he owns hotels on Park Place AND Boardwalk!
M: Lee Nguyen. He’s nominated for “best Revolution player”, “best Lee” and “best Nguyen” in North Eastern United States Vietnamese-American Soccer Quarterly.  Also, the one player on that side I wouldn’t hesitate to poach.  Diego Swearword second.
K: I’m going with Kei Kamara for similar reasons to Duncan – also he recently scored his first MLS hat trick (bizarre that it was his first one) and he often finds way to torture TFC.

Vanney Tactics:
T: Maybe a rotation a la LA but a little closer to first team. Prefer to not have Gillette Stadium eat the ankles of our best players a few weeks prior to the playoffs.
M: Proper best Starting XI, injuries v Montreal notwithstanding.
K: Gillette Stadium, where TFC ACLs go to die…still, given the likelihood of Seba and Jozy not travelling I’m guessing as close to the usual XI as possible.

New Coach Smell; Who will it be?:
D: Paul Mariner! new england legend after his time under steve nicol, it’s about time his faithful service during those glory years got rewarded with more than just a tv gig.
T: Who will it be? It should be Kraft so he can wear the stink of what he has allowed in the last “great” MLS 1.0 club.
M: Pine-scented Paolo Mastroenni (or however it’s spelled) and they’ll reveal him from a rear view mirror.
K: Jeff Cassar!  That sweater of his will work so well in New England.

Supporters Shield – how will you celebrate should they clinch on Saturday?
D: By getting into an online argument about what support is, and who the best supporters are, and why those people aren’t proper  supporters, just as the real supporters would wish.
T: Throwing crates of Samuel Adams in a local Foxboro swimming pool.
M: Probably take to twitter and find every crotch-thrusting gif I can search for and tweet them out.
K: Well I’ll be at work when it happens, but I’ll do a shot of bitters for a buzz and then wreck the tea display.

Predictions:
D: 2-2, and only one worrisome injury.
T: 11 ACL’s enter – only 10 leave (and a 2-0 to TFC)
M: 3-0. Vazquez just as awesome at real footie as he is in FIFA 18
K: 2-1 for TFC

Well that’s our “show” for this week, thanks as always for joining us.  I have not been joined by Duncan Fletcher (@duncandfletcher on the interwebs), nor was I joined by Tony Walsh (@malarkeyFC on the tweet machine – I wrote these with the help of Adrian Heath’s bathtub monkey. – also not joining me was Mark Hinkley (@kitnerdmark – with a k,not a q – on the twitterz) – I’d like to plug that @DJPlayingMusic will playing tunes at the Subway on Keele near Dundas. It’s not actually a gig, he will be eating a sandwich and being that asshole that doesn’t think he needs to plug in his overpriced Beats By Dre headphones in public. As for me, I’m never doing a print version of the podcast again!  You can find me on the internet – yes the entire internet – @kzknowles, I have been your host Kristin Knowles and until next week Toronto, get used to it. 

*Editor’s final note: there are no outtakes this week, because well what did you want?  Spelling mistake and grammatical errors?  Come on now, you’re better than that.   Instead, enjoy this version of our closing music and shout Fagundez (watch your mouth) at the end*

As always if you enjoy what we do, please give us a rating on iTunes, @ us on twitter (cause you do follow us, right?), comment on the pieces we post, like us on Facebook, follow us on Instagram, or drop by and say hi at a match! 

 

Kristin Knowles

Author: Kristin Knowles

Raised on basketball and baseball, Kristin soon saw the error of her ways when enrolled in a local football league as a child. Geography dictated she choose TFC as her team and ten years later she’s still yet to flee the city. Cynically optimistic, she now channels her inner hooligan by singing random pop songs and making poor puns in the stands. May contain adult content. Find me on the internet machine @kzknowles

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  1. Toronto FC vs New England Revolution: Are Toronto In A Heap of Trouble After Wednesday, Or Will It Be Business As Usual? | Vocal Minority - […] Rev are much less solid defensively so can be exposed on the counter.  I’m sticking with my podcast prediction…

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