South Couch Report : San Jose v Toronto

Old San Jose logo with new colours

Part I Write Before The Match :

If there’s a chance for Toronto to get three points tonight, you have to believe that this is it. No Seba starting tonight, no problem? At least they put him on the bench.

San Jose is terrible. They are sitting at the foot of the table on the west side and it doesn’t make sense, but it is what it is.

TSN is showing Janson highlight package. If he’s twice as good as Aketxe, then he would be half as good as Aketxe was expected to be.

Onto the Match :

17′ – Finally something to talk about! Jansen lays cute ball off for Hamilton, but Hamilton was just offside.

22′ – Vako bullies his way through the defense and into the 18 yard box to force a shot on goal, saved by Bono.

25′ – Vako bullies his way down the left, beats a few defenders, back heels, wonderful low cross, first touch fired at goal, Bono makes a solid stop.

34′ – Toronto caught staring and Eriksson skies it. Then after some pinball, San Jose fires a sure goal, only to be blocked by Luis Felipe.

44′ – Hoesen takes a ball over the top, beats Bono, but leaves himself no clear shot. Centers it back and the shot taken was fired over the bar.

Halftime Mood : first half of the half, San Jose is terrible. Second half of the half, San Jose is unlucky.

50′ – Head across the face of goal, finds Hoesen, and goes for the scissor-kick half -volley and goes well over the bar.

55′ – Ball sails into the box, finds Hamilton near the back post, heads it down, but it bounces over the bar. To be fair it was a terrible angle.

58′ – SUB – Van der Weil on for Morgan.

58′ – SUB – Giovinco on for Hamilton.

Okay, I now have a bold prediction for this game. team in last place out playing a team, even in theory, that’s much better than them, out-shooting them can only lose by a flukey goal in the last 5 minutes of the game.

59′ – GOAL – Oh that’s fantastic… One- two with Giovinco and Delgado, lays it off the wing for Van der Weil, low cross finds Janson who pots it. No chance.

Ok, that wasn’t flukey.

61′ – Chapman sneaks a cute ball back to Osorio who fires, Tarbell stops most of it, but hits the post. So close.

64′ – San Jose just subbed out Hoesen, top scorer, for Wondolowski, MLS legend.

65′ – Seba has a go from just over halfway, caught Tarbell off his line, but goes over the bar.

66′ – SUB – Janson off for Moor. Janson took a wee knock, so it’s probably a little bit precautionary in addition to being timely.

78′ – GOAL – Wondolowski breaks down the right, fires at Bono who stops it but can’t hold it, Wondolowski picks up his rebound and pops it into the open net.

80′ – Vako “No Fucks Given” Qazaishvili just barrels through Hernandez. Man, he’s fun to watch

4 minutes of extra time

90+1′ – Seba free kick fires into the wall.

Full Time : San Jose 1, Toronto 1

Man of the Match : Sure, Lucas Janson
Goat of the Game : no one goat-worthy, but Chapman offered little.
Ref Rating : 4 out of 5
I Am Not The Gaffer, But… : Those substitutes we’re a masterstroke.
In Case You PVR’d It : watch the goals.

Osorio is creating a bunch of bits of magic in his non-scoring touches. He’s been doing them all season, but tonight, they were coming in two’s and three’s… I’m still smirking at the substitutions and how that resulted in a goal not 60 seconds later… Was anyone else checking to see if MLS had removed Columbus from the flickering of logos?… Also, why is the sideline digital hoarding showing the match up of the game that’s playing right in front of you? Try promoting the next match instead… Is it fair to declare Janson is better than Aketxe, or should we wait one more match?

Player Ratings : Bono 6, Hernandez 6, Hagglund 6, Morgan 6 (Van der Weil 6.5), Morrow 6, Bradley 6, Delgado 6, Osorio 6.5, Chapman 5.5, Janson 7 (Moor), Hamilton 6 (Giovinco 6.5)

Unused Substitutions : Irwin, Telfer, Ricketts, Bakero

Author: Mark Hinkley

Mark is a full-time graphic designer, full-time smart ass and full-time logo, stadium and kit nerd. When he isn't writing ridiculous match reports or redesigning logos for his own amusement, he's salivating over the day that promotion and relegation occurs in MLS. You can follow him @kitnerdmark on the twitterz.

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  1. Can’t get enough offensive production and a defensive corp that is easily susceptible to anything that is lofted at them or over their heads. And oh yes…Bono needs to pour that sticky pop on his gloves, 7-Up, Sprite, Fanta…who cares but get things sticky.

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