South Couch Report : UANL v Toronto, Round 2, FIGHT!

The Part I Write Before :


We’re gonna be ok. We’re gonna be fine. We’re gonna be OK. We’re gonna be fine.

Bold Predictions :

  1. Gignac will scare the hell outta me (something like this)
  2. Tigres will score two.
  3. Jozy will score one.

Yeah, no scoreline prediction. No sure how this will fall.

On to the Match :

12′ – Morrow is down. Not good.

14′ – SUB – Morrow is off and Auro is in.

15′ – Auro gives a defender a headache and lays a ball off for Giovinco inside the penalty area, but his shot is blocked.

20′ – Altidore forces a turnover and races into the corner, but his low cross is easily picked up by a defender.

24′ – OMGHOLYSHIT… Zavaleta gets burned by Gignac and his cross finds Sosa but Mavinga gets in front of Sosa dead center of goal to bail out Toronto.

29′ – First corner of the night delivered by Giovinco but cleared, leads to a quick counter attack and Mavinga making another ballsy clean tackle.

32′ – Bono comes off his line to bail out Moor from a big cross to kick save it and then cleared to safety.

This is now the game I was expecting last week.

34′ – corner kick leads to another counter attack and Tigres runs down the right side of the pitch looking for a cross where no one was there. Hint : that’s probably how they’re going to score (if they do)

45′ – near disaster as Moor gets on the end of a cross but forced Bono to make a great save to keep it out.

Halftime Mood : *deep exhale*

48′ – long clearance down the left side of the pitch, Giovinco gives chase, makes a cross but Altidore was well marked.

49′ – Moor… What are you doing? Mavinga undoes the winger, passes it to Moor to clear and under pressure, fires it towards the touch line, finds Giovinco, but he had no chance to keep it in. Seba mad.

52′ – Free kick from 20 yards out, Seba has a go at goal, but easily saved by the keeper.

54′ – Mavinga gets clattered into by Sosa and somehow Tigres gets the free kick? Interesting…

57′ – Gignac gets a cross into the box, finds Vargas but his shot give Bono an easy save.

61′ – SUB – Hagglund comes in for Mavinga. He must be hurt.

63′ – GOAL Giovinco does a 1-2 with Osorio, centres a ball and own goal’d by Carioca.

Fucking pinch me.

67′ – Juninho’s shot dips and causes Bono to bobble it, but still gets to it.

69′ – GOAL – Short cross headed into the box and Vargas pops it into the far corner.

Full disclosure, I’m scared. I want to take Altidore off but that’s because I’m scared. Moar defenderz!!!11!

72′ – Giovinco gets swarmed by 4 yellow shirts and gets a free kick from 25 yards out.


74′ – GOAL – Seba pokes it into the top corner and the Guzman can’t get to it.

75′ – SUB – Vazquez in for Delgado

76′ – Easy on the drama Jozy. Keep it even.

81′ – YELLOW – Altidore gets a booking for a high tackle.

84′ – GOAL – Duenas fights his way through a bad clearance from Hagglund, low cross finds Gignac open at the far post.

89′ – Gignac beats the trap, cuts it across goal, beating Bono, but not the net.

3 mins of extra time. Might be an hour.

90+3′ – PENALTY – van der Weil leaves an arm sorta out

90+3′ – GOAL – Gignac goes bottom left. Please don’t let be how they go out.

Full Time : UANL 3, Toronto 2

4-4 on aggregate, Toronto advance on away goals (2-1)

They did the business, kids.

Bring on Club America!

Man of the Match :  Chris Mavinga made many very important tackles before the first goal went in, and I’d like to believe in my paranioa that he laid the foundation for the result.
Goat of the Game : Moor had a very suspect, and uncharacteristically shaky, first half, so I’m giving it to him.
Ref Rating : 3 out of 5. First half was doing very well. Started to lose the plot as the second half played out. Weak hand ball.  I see it, but weak.
I Am Not The Gaffer, But… :  it got the job done, somehow.
In Case You PVR’d It : for a truly condensed and panic-inducing experience, let it run from the 60th minute.

Bold Predictions Results :

  1. Nailed it. Gignac did scare me, but his goals weren’t that scary.
  2. Nailed it. That they did. Even got a third.
  3. Failed it. Jozy was marked out of large chunks of the match. He made contributions, but Tigres nullified his presence.


What a result.

Sure, they didn’t win, but it always about the tie.

I can’t write this. I’m still digesting it.

Did anyone else have PTSD thinking of the USL Pro Impact run from about 10 years ago where they shit the bed in injury time against Santos Laguna?

I did. I totally did.

OK, so I’ll say this, sometimes we don’t deserve Giovinco. He is not an island unto himself, however, he can do some amazing individual efforts. We’ve seen it. Footy isn’t a game that lends itself to individual heroics, but… I’m sorry. I’m tired and I’m finally calming down.

Semi-finals sirs and madames.

Player Ratings: Bono 6.5, Moor 5.5, Zavaleta 6, Mavinga 8 (Hagglund 6), van der Wiel 6.5, Morrow N/A (Auro  6), Bradley 6.5, Osorio 6.5, Delgado 6 (Vazquez 6), Altidore 6, Giovinco 7.5

Unused Substitutions: Irwin, Vazquez, Hamilton, Agetxe, Hasler

Author: Mark Hinkley

Mark is a full-time graphic designer, full-time smart ass and full-time logo, stadium and kit nerd. When he isn't writing ridiculous match reports or redesigning logos for his own amusement, he's salivating over the day that promotion and relegation occurs in MLS. You can follow him @kitnerdmark on the twitterz.

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  1. Well not exactly the “all conquering hero” title could be laid on the Reds, but some of the Tigres race back can be attributes to injuries to Morrow and Mavinga and some of it to referee that called a PK because GVDW got his arm and all of his body in front of a shot. TFC did prove that they themselves can fire damaging shots at top grade Liga MX sides. That the Reds are in possession of a fair bit of a second “cup side” (sort of).

    We will have see how much league play suffers, but semis here we come.

    The scary thing is that so many of the parts to this team, GVDW, Auro, Aketex have not found themselves in this lineup as yet.

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  2. Oh, keep giving Seba free kicks in that zone of pain, 8 to 12 yards off your box, and eventually Giovinco will have one of those tries materialize in the back of your net. Nahuel Gusman’s face was priceless on that shot.

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  3. That was a ridiculously stressful affair at the end, but a great game to watch. Love that away goal rule (when it goes your way, ha ha). Clearly Tigres is a very talented team and if they had done better in Toronto, they could have won this contest, but TFC really gave them a fight and showed how good they can be too. 4-4 aggregate. A really entertaining affair to show off what the best clubs in MLS and Liga MX can do.

    Seba rocks too

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    • Don’t you think Tigres overly simplified their attack to route 1 stuff?

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  4. I am going to start practicing that rag doll move Seba rolled out. I recommend all of try perfecting it.

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