The South Couch Report : Houston v Toronto

Houston Dynamo as the Hurricaine

Houston Dynamo as the Hurricaine

I am so tired.

I suppose I could’ve gone to bed, but I didn’t see the tweet until 35 minutes ago that the game was delayed until 9pm tonight. If I drink this last 5-hour energy drink, I’m afraid I’ll be dead by halftime.

You want a preview? Huh? Maybe you should have read this instead of waiting for me to put something more boiled down.

Mother nature is such shjgbmydssfbnjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj

I just woke up and I can’t find my backspace button. Thankfully I didn’t miss the match. Some of these keys look soooooo comfy.

Bold Predictions :

  1. Lightning free
  2. A goal from the duo that is #ALTITTS
  3. Houston will have a man sent off

On to the Match :

8’ – GOAL – well that happened. Maidana is on the end of a 1-2-3, takes the half volley and fires it over Bono’s shoulder at a rough angle.

9’ – Hey, apparently Degrasse Jr High won a bronze in television… Or something. Only 81 minutes to go…

10’ – Bloom goes down, shall we say, rather awkwardly after that challenge… Hope nothing is serious, but that may be my hallucinations talking to me.

16’ – SUB – Bloom is off for Chapman. Hope he’s ok but this is cutting into my much needed sleep time.

24’ – GOAL – The ball comes skidding from the corner and Altidore just smashes his foot through it. What a rocket! #ALTITTS *hey*

37’ – how is the Ref not seeing 18 orange shirts on the pitch?!? MLS is a joke!

38’ – nevermind. Does blurry vision always happen when you’re this tired?

41’ – SUB – Morrow is off for Morgan. Somebody needs a nap… OK, it’s still me.

45’ – hey, Mansella got a red for Houston… I’m two for three on this prediction thing.

Half Time Mood : sleepy. Is that a mood? I’m going to set my alarm for 20 minutes. Guys, I need this…

62’ – F**K! Ok I overslept… Vic Rauter woke me up from the pass across from Chapman to find Altidore getting on it but hitting the post.

71’ – SUB – Altidore off for Ricketts. #ALTITTS

77’ – Manotas, a.k.a. The Fresh Maker, turns Williams around and forces a good kick save by Bono.

82’ – YELLOW – Moor gives up a bad pass and the Houston counter attack finds Bradley tracking back and tackles him from behind to stop it.

83’ – speaking of sleepy, Hagglund caught dozing on the tracking of the free kick, it bounces and Bruin comes from behind to centre the ball, but fortunately no one could do anything with it.

87’ – Ricketts clears a corner and it falls for Collen Warner and on the half volley, fires a shot that just skims over the crossbar

89’ – Ricketts nearly walks in a cross but gets closely to crossing the line, only cleared desperately by Anibaba

3 mins of extra time

Full Time : Houston 1, Toronto 1

“Make the final… “, oh Vic… It’s the perfect lullaby..

Man of the Match : The physio for the nightmare he’s having.
Goat of the Game : The wank who hurt “Working Class” Mark Bloom
Ref Rating : A dream.
I Am Not The Gaffer But… :
In Case You PVR’d It : Tell me how some of it went.
Kit Spotting : I was walking around Front Street this afternoon and saw someone in a Hansa Rostock kit, so that counts.

EDIT : OK so I just woke up about 4 minutes before posting this.  I don’t remember and this report means nothing.  So for the sake of content, I’ll just hit post

Bold Predictions Results :

  1. Nailed it. Lightning free as predicted.
  2. Nailed it. Called it for Altidore.  Way to go out on a limb #ALTITTS
  3. Nailed it. Houston did have a man sent off. I’m a genius.

Player Ratings : Edit : I assume everyone was OK, so fill your own numbers in. Bono, Williams, Moor, Hagglund, Bloom [Chapman], Bradley, Morrow [Morgan], Delgado, Osorio; Altidore [Ricketts], Giovinco

Unused Substitutions : Roberts, Endoh, Johnson, Hamilton,

Author: Mark Hinkley

Mark is a full-time graphic designer, full-time smart ass and full-time logo, stadium and kit nerd. When he isn't writing ridiculous match reports or redesigning logos for his own amusement, he's salivating over the day that promotion and relegation occurs in MLS. You can follow him @kitnerdmark on the twitterz.

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1 Comment

  1. But the off button on this team on the road is when their opposition picks up a red card. As Vic says, “oh, oh, oh, OH, TFC!”.

    This Cooper guy will need to deliver the ball from 8 yards. up from the opposition’s D.

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