The South Couch Report : Montreal v Toronto, V-Cup Edition, Part II

Montreal Impact as the Manic

Montreal Impact as the Manic

Well this is thrilling. Cup glory awaits… Well, the next round anyways. The kids did just fine last week, but that was at home. Hell, one of the goal scorers probably woke up in his childhood bedroom the next day (not that there’s anything wrong with that, have you seen real estate prices in this town?). This is Montreal. They speak French (in certain neighbourhoods) there! That’s very different.

One change has Perquis starting for the injured Williams. Or that’s what we’re told. Whatever narrative you choose to firm up the back four is fine by me.

Bold Predictions :

  1. Babouli opens his goal-scoring account
  2. Giovinco plays
  3. Regardless of the result, Toronto advances

On to the Match :

7’ – Drogba falls the first time and gets treatment. Take a shot.

17’ – Thought from the couch : if my autocorrect wants to change Salazar to “salad bar”, I’ll allow it.

26’ – Babouli gets on a short quick pass from Osorio, settles and fires over the bar from 18 yards out. Not bad given he was under pressure and had little opportunity for a clear shot.

37’ – Salad bar finds Olive oil and he fires a low shot forcing Irwin to make a great stop

39’ – Irwin gets over Salad bar to punch a high ball out for a corner.

41’ – Salad bar takes advantage of some penalty area pinball from the third consecutive corner and fires it at Irwin.

42’ – Drogba de Guzmans the shit out of a free kick from 35 yards out. Like “Food Building”-worthy smashing.

45’ – YELLOW – Zavaleta gets booked for tackle on Drogba. Sure, it’s fair.

Half Time mood : was sleepy for the first 36 minutes, then shit got interesting.

49’ – Olive oil goes down hard from a Morgan challenge, then Drogba gets booked for being a wank.

54’ – Hamilton cuts a wide pass that finds Beitashour on the far corner of the box, fires low and Kroninberg couldn’t hold onto it, but Lovitz attempt gets cleared by Drogba. Best attempt yet.

58’ – Babouli sidesteps his marker and fires a shot at Kroninberg

60’ – RED – Olive oil gets a straight sending off as Will Johnson gets headbutted from the midfielder/cooking element

I LOVE the Voyageurs Cup. And Ottawa could make it even better tonight.

64’ – sure, that could’ve been a penalty against Toronto, but it’s Drogba. Like any reasonable Ref whose ever done proper research would believe him. (see last podcast for further explanation)

68’ – SUB – Hagglund comes in for Babouli

72” – Pyongyango fires a long ball in, easily grabbed by Irwin.

74’ – Portfolio gets a ball back to goal with a wide open Drogba in front, decides to turn and fire, easily stopped.

75’ – SUB – Giovinco comes on for Hamilton

78’ – Drogba pops a pretty ball in for Salad bar and he can’t quite get on the end of it.

79’ – SUB – Morrow bolsters the back line, coming in for Johnson.  Too many?  Naaaah…

82’ – Giovinco has a go on a counter, fires it low at Kroninberg

85’ – I wanna say it’s squeaky bum time, but it probably has been that for the last 10 and didn’t notice.

88’ – ex-TFC forward Domino Oreos gets booked for a sloppy tackle from behind on Morrow

4 mins of extra time

Really, 4 minutes? Ok…

90+1’ – Giovinco puts another low shot on goal. Saved easily.

Full Time : Montreal 0, Toronto 0 (Toronto advance 4-2 agg.)

We will see whomever in the next round in late June!

Man of the Match : Cheyrou was excellent, Osorio contributed a ton, I’m going to go with Moor as someone had to run the back four.

Goat of the Game : I don’t think anyone was truly bad.  Hamilton is the closest for invisibility, but far from being ‘goat’ worthy

Ref Rating : 4 out of 5.  Should’ve booked Drogba out of principle.

I Am Not The Gaffer, But… : I might have brought in Giovinco a little sooner once the red card happened, otherwise, it was dirty and it worked.  And six defenders at the end? Brilliant.  So necessary and so overkill. Vanney’s 6-3-1 was a delight.  I would’ve loved to see a 7th just for the lolz.

In Case You PVR’d It : watch the last 10 mins of the first half, fast-forward to the 58th minute and let it run

Bold Predictions Results :

  1. Failed it : Babouli had opportunities, but did not maximize them
  2. Nailed it : I know, who’d have thought it about Giovinco, right?
  3. Nailed it : Toronto advances.  I’m so good at this.

I know it makes crap television, but as someone who is typically pro-entertainment, I was very OK with how utilitarian this lineup was and how they played. Once Montreal got desperate, it got fun watching them fail.  Cup games.  So good… Has anyone even tried to add a comma and a question mark yet to the “Drogba Legend” banner? I know I’ve mentioned it before and still feel that they should. We should have a bounty to whomever does it first… Cheyrou with another excellent performance tonight.  Running shop.  Still would be the player’s name I’d get on the back of a kit… Salad bar was all over Toronto in the first half, nearly absent in the second half… I kinda dug Morgan’s role tonight.  He was part winger, part pain-in-the-ass for Drogba.  And his mustache game is on point.  In a word : mesmerizing… Stupid Vancouver up 1-0 at the time of publishing this.  WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO RUIN EVERYTHING?!!?!?  YOU HAVE MOUNTAINS AND ARE IN THIS YEAR’S CCL, LET US HAVE THIS ONTARIO FINAL!!!

Player Ratings : Irwin 6, Beitashour 6.5, Zavaleta 6.5, Moor 7, Morgan 6.5, Johnson 7 [Morrow N/A], Cheyrou 7, Babouli 6 [Hagglund N/A], Osorio 6, Lovitz 6.5, Hamilton 6 [Giovinco 6].

Author: Mark Hinkley

Mark is a full-time graphic designer, full-time smart ass and full-time logo, stadium and kit nerd. When he isn't writing ridiculous match reports or redesigning logos for his own amusement, he's salivating over the day that promotion and relegation occurs in MLS. You can follow him @kitnerdmark on the twitterz.

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1 Comment

  1. Did not know who Olive Oil was. There Popeye’s girlfriend, and then the red reveals all.

    Packing the defense can be confusing and doesn’t always work, but it generally worked for TFC and Vanney last night.

    Silvio Petrescue managed the game and MLS Commissioner, Didier Drogba quite well.

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