The South Couch Report – Philadelphia v Toronto

Philadelphia Union as the Atoms

Man, what a nice vacation. Sun. Boat. Music. Tequila. I missed a penalty save and that’s about it.

Toronto earned a point against the Fightin’ Mormons (nickname still being storyboarded) and are now in chesty Chester for a game against the Bell Crackers (lets just go with it…), who earned a scoreless draw against the Wet Shirts of Vancouver (see their jersey infographic for more entertainment).

Man, they look cold. Maybe a global warming is deliberate so footy can be played in March in North America. #conspiracy #alternativeFacts #yesItsStupid

Bold Predictions :

  1. Giovinco goal that isn’t a penalty
  2. Vazquez assist
  3. Cooper will confuse me

On To the Match :

9’ – Helluva cross by Philly, floated over 4 white shirts and nearly found it’s mark, but Endoh cleared it.

11’ – GOAL – Pontius gets on a long cross to head it down for Simpson, who gets a low header on the ball and beats Irwin, who came off his line to challenge, and the ball bounces slowly over the line. Ugh.

19‘ – Finally something that can result in offence! Altidore draws a foul getting in a scuffle with Onyewu.

20’ – Giovinco free kick into the centre of the wall. Duncan swears.

26’ – Cooper beats his marker, then collides into a defender in a tackle.

29’ – goal scorer Simpson comes off with an injury, CJ Sapong comes on.

32’ – PENALTY – Hagglund hauls down Herbers at the edge of the box. Looked more inside than not.


38’ – Altidore tries to slide a ball through to Giovinco, but Rosenberry clear to safety.

45’ – Giovinco is hobbling off!!!… EVERYBODY PANIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

45’ – PENALTY – Off the free kick, Altidore gets hauled down nowhere near the ball crossed

45’ – GOALAltidore sends Blake the wrong way

Half-Time Mood : I love having a PVR. Most of the first half was played in Toronto’s side of the pitch, but opened up after the penalty off the crossbar.

46 – SUB – Ricketts off for Giovinco. #ALTITTS *hey*

58’ – So Ricketts is on and most of the play has been in the Philadelphia half. Hmm…. #conspiracy #realFacts

62’ – Irwin with a great stop on a Pontius shot at the top of the box. Irwin covers Sapong’s attempt but was offside anyways. Quality stuff.

67’ – Altidore finds Ricketts flying into the box but Blake commits to diving in front of the cross and gets a knock for his troubles.

71’ – GOAL – Fantastic. Morrow takes a long looping ball from Bradley, chests it down, nearly loses his footing, and right foots it past Blake. Well done sir.

73’ – GOALSapong runs back onside, then gets on the end of a Hebbers through ball, scoots past a downed Irwin and buries it. And I was wondering if this game was going to get exciting…

78’ – SUB – Osorio comes on for Cooper

81’ – Hagglund for glory!!! Miss… crazy stuff.

85’ – SUB – Mavinga on for Endoh

5 minutes of extra time

90+4’ – Hagglund fought through two defenders, finds Osorio who crosses it to an open Altidore, but it was just too high and heads the ball over the bar.

Full Time : Philadelphia 2, Toronto 2

Man of the Match : Man… I dunno. I didn’t feel anyone was super standout, but I’ll go with Morrow.

Goat of the Game : Endoh. He tried so hard.

Ref Rating : 4 out of 5. Geiger didn’t Geiger it.

I Am Not The Gaffer, But… : Maybe would’ve taken Endoh out earlier, but we good.

In Case You PVR’d It : Watch the first half goals, the lead up to the missed penalty, then let it roll from the 40th minute on.

Bold Predictions Results :

  1. Failed it. Giovinco got an ouchie.
  2. Failed it. Vazquez assist
  3. Nailed it. Cooper still confuses me, but not as bad as I’ve seen late last season.

This has been a game of two halves. First half, a bit frustrating, not much happening offensively, Philadelphia seemingly having an answer for everything with Toronto going forward. After the missed penalty, Toronto posed some problems for Philly’s back four. Then Giovinco went out injured and the game opened up. Yeah, football is a funny game and all that.

Endoh tried so hard, didn’t he? He always looked like defensively, he was in over his head. Sometimes it worked out, but often it was a struggle. I kinda felt a bit bad for him and he went out and did a job. Nothing catastrophic thankfully.

Player Ratings : Irwin 6.5, Hagglund 6, Moor 6, Endoh 6 (Mavinga N/A), Bradley 6.5, Vasquez 6.5, Zavaleta 6, Morrow 8, Cooper 6.5 (Osorio N/A), Altidore 7.5, Giovinco 6 (Ricketts 6.5)

Unused Subs : Delgado, Edwards, Bono, Chapman

I probably got something wrong. Let me know in the comments!

Author: Mark Hinkley

Mark is a full-time graphic designer, full-time smart ass and full-time logo, stadium and kit nerd. When he isn't writing ridiculous match reports or redesigning logos for his own amusement, he's salivating over the day that promotion and relegation occurs in MLS. You can follow him @kitnerdmark on the twitterz.

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  1. ricketts ON for Giovinco, happened before the goal, not after half time.

    you asked.

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  2. This game had everything, good defense, bad defense, good (maybe great) attacking, horribly poor attacking, a Giovinco catastrophe, a ref who looked incompetent (surprised by your ref rating), a ref who rebounded and reeled the game back in.

    And saints be praised, Vanney stuck Ricketts in early.
    Vanney needs to build consistency and find attacking options that will draw away the attention Seba is earning. On defense, the cart-wheel-falling-off events need to be cleaned-up and this team will be blessed with one of the league’s best D’s.

    Post a Reply
    • Oh yeah, Mavinga impressed, very measured, short performance.

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