The South Couch Report : Toronto v Philadelphia

Philadelphia Union as the Atoms

Philadelphia Union as the Atoms

Today I am a part time supporter.

I admit it.  I am in the comfort of my home in the hinterlands of suburbia.  It’s a culmination of reasons that no reasonable supporter would understand.  So we’ll go with “weakness towards the heat and humidity”.

Toronto welcome back the Gold Cuppers of Osorio, Morgan and Altidore. Philly are on a tear at home, too bad this ain’t home.

On to the match!

16′ – Noguera lays a ball off for Le Toux who looks to fire a highlight reel goal, but gets no power on it and it rolls into Bendik’s hands.

25′ – Osorio nicely dances his way out of trouble at the edge of the box.

29′ –  GOAL – Osorio to Giovinco who threads it to a darting Marky Delgado and pops it top right.  Good for Marky.

32′ –  GOAL Giovinco takes a header from Altidore and blasts one from outside the box, forcing a great save, but Seba picks up his own rebound and punishes the keeper.

36′ – I guess I’ll take a nap…

53′ – …  That was nice.  Didn’t miss a thing it appears.

58′ – Cheyrou gives up the ball and the counter attack, Zavaleta stops the deep cross and clears out for safety.

61′ – why is Giovinco down? He’s down still? It’s ok everything is OK you’re fine!  Aren’t you fine? SOMEONE GET THIS MAN SOMEONE TREATMENT!  WHAT IS TAKING SO LONG!

62′ – Finally! Giovinco needs medical attention and you, first aid person, leisurely take your time getting to him HE COULD BE DYING!  RUN YOU BASTARD!  RUN LIKE IT WAS YOUR OWN CHILD!

63′ – Oh man… oh shit… It doesn’t look good… I see him clutching his foot…  Vic Rauter seems to think it’s blisters.  We’re fucked!  Wait!  Ok,  so Paris St. Germain is playing later, yeah? WE CAN REPLACE HIM WITH CAVANI!!!  It’s so obvi…  Oh he’s up?  Back on?  Ok good…

67′ – SUB – Jackson in for Warner.

76′ – Altidore with a freebie header in front of goal and kinda blows it.

80′ – Jackson goes for broke on a pretty cross that finds Giovinco but his marker causes enough of a problem to lose control of the ball.

83′ – Cheyrou chokes up another ball over a weak pass.  Not having the greatest game.

84′ – SUB – Altidore makes way for Chapman

88′ – SUB – Osorio comes on for Lovitz

3 mins of extra time

90+1′ – GOAL – Sapong flicks a header on to Conor Casey who dances right, then left, then buries it bottom left.

90+3′ – Casey has a long range header go wide of net.



Man of the Match : Take a bow Marky Delgado! (it’s Giovinco)

Goat of the Game : I’m such a fan, but this wasn’t Cheyrou’s game. Thankfully nothing came to his errors, but he hasn’t been an error-prone guy.

Ref Rating : 3 out of 5

I Am Not The Gaffer, But… : I’d have played indoors.

In Case You PVR’d It :  Watch the two goals, take a nap, then wake up when I did.  Rest of the match was OK.

I have an irrational adoration for Vic Rauter as a commentator.  It’s almost pavlovian.  He’s like butter and bacon (either or both).  He just makes it go down better.  He adds importance to the mundane. Regal delivery and even when he does curling, a sport I don’t terribly mind watching, he presents it like a footy match.  In my head anyways.  I thought I was denying myself another footballing experience with my fellow podcasters, but instead, I was the beneficiary of air conditioning, a nap and dulcet tenor that is an aural blanket of Vic Rauter.

If I win the lottery, I’m going to hire Vic Rauter to narrate my life for one week and record it.

And you will all be jealous.

Player Ratings : Bendik 6, Morgan 6.5, Zavaleta 6, Perquis 6.5, Morrow 6.5, Cheyrou 5.5, Warner 6 (Jackson 6), Osorio 6 (Lovitz N/A), Delgado 7, Giovinco 7.5, Altidore 6 (Chapman N/A)

Author: Mark Hinkley

Mark is a full-time graphic designer, full-time smart ass and full-time logo, stadium and kit nerd. When he isn't writing ridiculous match reports or redesigning logos for his own amusement, he's salivating over the day that promotion and relegation occurs in MLS. You can follow him @kitnerdmark on the twitterz.

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1 Comment

  1. This game could have gone either way, if it were not for the player with turbo-jets kicking in.

    Delgado is starting to read Giovinco. Morgan is playing with even more confidence.

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