The South Stand Report : Toronto v Houston

Houston Dynamo as the Hurricaine

Houston Dynamo as the Hurricaine

Fucking finally.

I mean c’mon.  This has taken forever it seems.  The club made for parody/television that is Toronto FC has its home opener on mother’s day.  And on this mother’s day, I am thankful for how moms can easily compromise for their kids.  For example: do brunch and am absolved from dinner. (thanks mom)

Toronto have been on an absolute tear as of late taking all six points in their last two league games against the worst clubs in the league*.  Giovinco and Altidore have their home debut in front the new stand.  Most excited to see Marseille stalwart Benoit Cheyrou in the flesh.

* = that aren’t named Montreal

Over/Under : of Juventus kits today – I’m gonna say 50, but as of writing this part, I’m on a GO Train and I’ve already seen one.  So over.

On to the match!

Quote of the match :

Look who’s in net? Cornucopia

~ Dom, in mid season form,
well under a minute into the match

1′ – pthfff… omg the bugs are back…. pthfff…

12′ –  YELLOW – Cheyrou goes into the book for something

43′ –  PENALTY  – Bradley slide tackles Beasley, misses the ball, and Beasley quite happily falls over his leg.

43′ –  GOAL – Garcia’s attempt is initially stopped by Konopka, but the rebound was picked up by Garcia and hammered in.

45′ –  free kick from Giovinco takes it low and finds an open Cheyrou who skies the ball

Half Time Mood : it’s OK.

Dwayne DeRosario was unveiled as the TFC community person… OK, I forget the title.  But he’s not retired yet!  I smell a run-in and someone is getting a chair to the back of the head!!!

53′ –  GOAL – Perquis goes for a slide on a Houston forward but he pokes it onto a marauding Bruin who’s unmarked and buries it.  It was really nice.

58′ –  SUB – Osorio comes on for Findley

70′ –  SUB – Jackson off for Warner

77′ –  GOAL – ball looped in from the right finds Altidore‘s head and puts it past the keeper. Then said keeper got into a “holding the ball” fight with Jozy and looked like a giant wanker.  Maybe DeRo should’ve chair-shotted this guy.  OK, things just became interesting…

81′ –  Announced attendance is 30000. Sure TFC. And there’s no Argos coming either, right? #ah-wink

89′ –  Giovinco gets down the left and hoofs it high to find Altidore but the defenders got in the way

6 min of extra time

90+1′ –  SUB – Moore on for Perquis. Really going for the throat there, eh Greg?

90+4′ – Giovinco corner finds an unmarked Konopka!? Who heads it down and almost past the keeper but he pulled it down

90+6′ – TFC counter and Osorio lays it off for Warner who puts in a big cross and it gets headed near the back post and out… And the Ref calls it.

FULL TIME : Toronto 1, Houston 2

Man of the Match : Cheyrou had a solid game.  Kept the defenders in line.

Goat of the Game : nobody was villainous but Bradley was the closest, not enough to be goat’d.

Ref Rating : he was going so well and then blew it at the end.  I don’t know if I’ve ever seen that happen with the final whistle as the losing team earns a corner.  (unless it wasn’t a corner…)  1 out of 5

Kit Spotting : it was a home TFC kit with Stamatopoulos… not even a keeper kit too. Too bad other randoms, that’s a lock.

I Am Not the Gaffer But… : offence-minded players should’ve came on immediately after down 2-0 and not 15+ mins later.

In Case You PVR’d It : ummm watch the build up of each goal and the last 10 mins.

Over/Under : got to 4. Not even close but I had a solid hunch this would be our Thierry Henry thing, so I’m glad it’s not.

Finally, Findley wasn’t invisible. He did things.  Positive things.  Joined plays, caused a few as well.  Still not convinced, but it was nice to not use a ghost emoji for his player rating…  The new deck is seriously impressive.  It’s big and noise already reflects off of it.  It’ll be crazy when they put a lid on the thing…  Altidore was super invisible right up to the goal. Then he was involved in everything…  They were doing construction as the game was going on.  Not even close to finished.  I shouldn’t be one to complain about extra distance getting to my gate, but when you’re trying to leave it’s too far to stay to the final whistle, make the train and deal with people who’ve never walked through a tunnel before (apparently)… Every time an attendance is announced, I can’t help but laugh that someone would believe this statistic without research, then part with large sums of money to sponsor this public-relations-bs-farmer-juggernaut.  You can see entire rows empty… Usually when there’s a ball that’s been knocked ahead too far for anyone to chase after it, it always seems Osorio is the one chasing it.  Could be crazy, but I don’t know if I’ve noticed anyone else be in that ‘frivolous sprinting’ role as much as him… Also, why did the public address announcer’s delivery tonight come across like he’s been told to “sound more like a heavy metal hour DJ on Q107”?  I was expecting electric guitar licks after each name… Konopka may have hands of stone, but he certainly makes things exciting. If he had stolen the point on that header, he’d have been man of the match with player of the year sown up, it was that crazy.

Player Ratings : Konopka 6.5, Morrow 6, Hagglund 6, Perquis 6, Morgan 6.5, Jackson 6 [Warner N/A], Cheyrou 7, Bradley 6, Findley 6 [Osorio 6], Giovinco 6.5, Altidore 6.5.

Author: Mark Hinkley

Mark is a full-time graphic designer, full-time smart ass and full-time logo, stadium and kit nerd. When he isn't writing ridiculous match reports or redesigning logos for his own amusement, he's salivating over the day that promotion and relegation occurs in MLS. You can follow him @kitnerdmark on the twitterz.

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  1. Hands of stone…Robert Duran was winning welter and middle weight championships with hands of stone and knocking out horses along the way.

    I think everyone has been dazzled by the renovations and the pageantry to realize the extent of this loss.

    Hagglund and Perquis were once again abandoned on the second goal. Giovinco and Altidore were left to fight through a mass of clawing hands and legs. Vanney panicked at the half and threw the team into an ill-shaped diamond. 4-4-2-straight works best when the outside mids run overlaps and the FB’s hold the wings and their own house. That did not happen.

    Same old problem, the Reds are susceptible to an off angle central run.

    Still, bizarre decision from Penso to call the game at 6 minutes. He had carded Houston for time wasting in the ET but did not account for it. He could have also called a PK on the ankle kick to Jackson. It was a foul followed by a dive as Garcia orchestrated earlier, but no foul earned by Jackson. Could have meant draw rather than a loss. And Giovinco is extremely dangerous on corners.

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    • we were too passive – said Vanney after the game. was he now watching the last two games, where being passive and then hoping giovinco and altidore did something was pretty much the game plan, and it worked against two very bad teams. we tried to do the exact same thing this week, this time it didn’t work, but why is vanney sounding surprised? It was never going to work against good teams, much as it didn’t work against good team for nelsen last year, but I didn’t think Houston would be the tipping point, that’s a little frightening.

      More and more Vanney seems clueless, tried to be pro active and dominating, kept getting his arse kicked. seems like Dallas finally scared him into realising it’s not working, so we go into the passive 4-4-2. gets a couple of results, but didn’t work here, or against Montreal and the he comes out and says we’re too passive.

      You keep seeing remarks about how articulate and smart he is and how he can pinpoint and explain what went wrong. that’s nice, but he seems totally unable to react to what’s going on and fix it during a game, or prepare the team to do something better beforehand.

      Think it was about 6:10 into injury time that he blew the whistle. bit odd to not let the corner be taken, but better than letting it be taken, then blowing the whistle as the ball is heading into the box. 74 world cup was it? 78 maybe?

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  2. I was a little young for ’74 to remember and the CBC to its credit did not broadcast the ’78 Cup. Something to do about the host country’s regime’s fondness for death squads and the football stadiums.

    Had an 18 year-oldish woman ref a youth game I was coaching while talking on her cell phone the entire time. Near the half our midfielder intercepted a pass and launched a 24 yard beauty into the net. Ref though, had blown for half while the ball was in the air and continued with her phone conversation. I was steamed 🙂

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