THE STARTING 11: Differences if Toronto FC camp was an actual camp

Rochester Ahoy!

Rochester Ahoy!

Toronto FC has often been accused of being a country club, but what about a summer camp? With The Reds fully settled in their pre-season camp on the shores of Lake VanneySacka, I couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like if our “Meatballs” of a football club were instead running an actual summer camp. Join me as we go Up the Creek…

11. Oatmeal cookies allocated via blind draw
10. Cheap wallets made in arts & crafts tent later sold in camp’s shop for $30
9. Morning wake-up bugle player only knows “The Dichio Song”
8. Campfires constantly being put out by security in “pyro crackdown”
7. Ghost stories are mostly about former SuperDraft picks
6. It still has some meaning by the end of summer
5. Naughty late-night canoe trips across the lake usually end up with make-out sessions with the Rochester Raging Rhinos
3. Way fewer letters home to mom since Defoe left
2. S’mores are just M&M’s shoved in a day-old chip butty
1. Camp counsellors usually fired by July

Author: Tony Walsh

Tony Walsh is a writer, former minor-league broadcaster and failed astronaut. Born into supporting an underachieving football club only to end up supporting a second underachieving football club - through what must be deemed as soft immigration policies - he continues to make terrible life choices. Walsh is a keen observer of the malarkey-rife sport of football and is considered one of the leading voices on the Collin Samuel Obesity Epidemic.

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