THE STARTING 11: Dwayne De Rosario Testimonial Gifts

Licky-De Ro-Down!

Licky-De Ro-Down!

After a long, strangely quiet off-season where his future seemed unknown, MLS stalwart Dwayne De Rosario officially (this time it was for realsies) announced his retirement from the game. Proclaiming his contentment that he gets to retire from his hometown club – despite two mostly unfulfilling tenures with Toronto FC – De Ro accepted the mantle of Club Ambassador and stutter steps towards the horizon. The league and the club offered an array of well-deserved kudos for the Malvern Magician and TFC swiftly announced that a “Dwayne De Rosario Testimonial Match” is scheduled for June 20th. The match will no doubt be a celebration of De Ro’s great career in MLS and will no doubt include many a parting gift…

11. A giant invisible greeting card featuring the invisible messages of many former teammates

10. A portable shoulder and neck massager in the perfectly replicated form of Raivis Hscanovics’ hands

9. A 2010/2011 Celtic kit autographed by Freddie Ljungberg

8. A special halftime performance by Drake, Kardinal Offishall, Choclair, Maestro Fresh Wes and Snow

7. Danleigh Borman: Butler

6. A rare framed photograph of Preki almost smiling

5. A year’s supply of Shake ‘ N Bake!

4. His own private Scarborough RT carriage

3. Ten minutes in a locked room with Mo Johnston

2. A separate BMO Field Wall of Honour for all of his former hairstyles

1. All the inukshuks

Author: Tony Walsh

Tony Walsh is a writer, former minor-league broadcaster and failed astronaut. Born into supporting an underachieving football club only to end up supporting a second underachieving football club - through what must be deemed as soft immigration policies - he continues to make terrible life choices. Walsh is a keen observer of the malarkey-rife sport of football and is considered one of the leading voices on the Collin Samuel Obesity Epidemic.

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7 Comments

  1. Danleigh Borman! That must have come from the vault – I barely remember him.

    Also, I would suggest a year’s supply of Milo to go along with his Shake N’ Bake.

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    • If Danleigh performs his duties well he gets a Boys II Men break once a week.

      Wait – did DeRo do a Milo ad somewhere?

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      • Yes! Back in his first stint at TFC, there used to the cheesiest Milo ads during half-time at BMO. DeRo talking about his mom giving him Milo when he grew up in Scarborough. It was cringe-worthy, just like the blaringly loud Primo pasta ads they have these days.

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        • Wow – I have completely blocked those from memory. Or more likely that was back when I used to go to the concessions at the half and just missed it. But still; kind of sad that I missed that somehow.

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          • I think you’re better off from having missed it 🙂

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  2. Milo Ads? Waaaaaaaaaaaaay better than having to watch Andrea Bargnani commericals eating Primo Pasta. They couldn’t find any TFC player to eat penne? Bah!

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  3. Who doesn’t like Milo? It’s the Ovaltine of the tropics!

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