THE STARTING 11: Improvements To CONCACAF Qualifying


For North America’s tall, goofy guy – yeah that’s us Canada – getting through the difficult maze of CONCA-wackiness that is World Cup Qualifying is no treat. We’ve had enough heartbreak to fill many a Sepp bladder but it’s not just our lack of success that’s tough to swallow but also the convoluted path teams like ours have to take for one of those sweet, sweet 3 1/2 berths this chunk of the world is given. Surely there are improvements for us Latino/Caribbean/Gringo go-getters as we aim for FIFA’s big show…

11. Countries that rhyme with “anada” get automatic berth

10. Local Belize TV channels get full broadcasting rights across the region

9. Panama’s national anthem replaced by Van Halen’s “Panama”

8. All neutral site matches in the Bermuda Triangle

7. No more haters – way more Haitis

6. Grenada live replaced with live grenades

5. If Dominica beats the Dominican Republic they get to keep the “N”

4. Turks and Caicos to change name to delicious-sounding Cakes and Tacos

3. One of the Virgin Islands to be de-flowered during preliminary round

2. Urine bag shot put as new tiebreaker

1. Less Hex – More sex

Author: Tony Walsh

Tony Walsh is a writer, former minor-league broadcaster and failed astronaut. Born into supporting an underachieving football club only to end up supporting a second underachieving football club - through what must be deemed as soft immigration policies - he continues to make terrible life choices. Walsh is a keen observer of the malarkey-rife sport of football and is considered one of the leading voices on the Collin Samuel Obesity Epidemic.

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