THE STARTING 11: Jacob Peterson Tips for Celebrating Canada Day

Posted By Tony Walsh on Jun 27, 2016 in Malarkey, Uncategorized | 1 comment

TFC has always been a rich tapestry of cultures and nationalities that reflects the city and county it calls home. Hell, this club is so inclusive it made Maicon Santos captain. As Reds supporters prepare to celebrate Canada Day this week, we thought it would be interesting to ponder what one ex-international Red – American Super Patriot Jacob Peterson – may recommend as the best ways to celebrate this big girthy nation…

11. Build a wall around BMO Field – make the CSA pay for it.

10. Have a big plate of poutine. Hold the cheese curds. And gravy. And add ketchup.

9. Find a moose. Shave its head, glue on some wings and a beak. Make it a real animal.

8. Figure out who this damn “Littlest Hobo” is and make sure he doesn’t try to cross the border.

7. Give statue of Sir Isaac Brock a wedgie until he agrees the War of 1812 was a draw.

6. Find Nickeback – tell them they are the best thing this country has going for it.

5. Crank call Manitoba.

4. Go to Niagara Falls and loudly marvel how straight and compact the American Falls are.

3. Find Degrassi Junior High – board up that filth-peddling hole once and for all.

2. Save your damn fireworks for three days.

1. Leave.