THE STARTING 11: Other Legacies Tim Leiweke Could Leave Behind

"Stop me if you've heard this one..."

“Stop me if you’ve heard this one…”

If God forbid you ever get the news that you have one year left to live, immediately go out and promise everyone you meet you’ll buy them a beer in 366 days. People will think you’re a pretty righteous dude at the time and once they eventually find out there’s nothing but an empty, broken glass waiting you’ll be long gone and won’t care.

In other completely unrelated news, MLSE CEO Tim Leiweke (Of the Magical Grass Paint Leiwekes) is getting ready to leave his post as the head of Satan’s sports and entertainment wing to move on to greener pastures. While Leiweke Wonka won’t leave town with any trophies; or parades; or successful teams; he will leave with the legacy that counts at MLSE – happy shareholders. In fairness, this was what he was paid the big bucks for. The parade routing was a hobby. We’re sure Timbo would have loved to leave Toronto with a few more ego-stroking legacies aside from bottom lines and forceful Argo-injecting so perhaps he could trumpet these “accomplishments”. Are they ridiculously false? Yes. But there’s a lot of ridiculously false things being said around here lately aren’t there?

11. Back-To-Back MLS Off-Season Championships

10. Taught Tim Bezbatchenko the mystical art of jiu-jitsu in his homemade dojo

9. Will leave the City of Toronto with a giant binder full of potential parade routes

8. About to drop a hot single feat. Drake

7. Magically made Sebastian Giovinco a real boy!

6. Chip buttys now contain a full 15% less recycled cardboard

5. Succeeded in the previously impossible task of making the Tom Anselmi and Mo Johnston era feel like “the good old days”

4. Got Bitchy the Hawk off the stripper pole, into a steady job and well into her third year towards a Master’s Degree in Psychology

3. Sold monorails to Brockville, Oshawa and North Bay!

2. New startup banner removal division going gangbusters for MLSE

1. Increased the possibility of post-season football at BMO Field by 50%!!!

 

Author: Tony Walsh

Tony Walsh is a writer, former minor-league broadcaster and failed astronaut. Born into supporting an underachieving football club only to end up supporting a second underachieving football club - through what must be deemed as soft immigration policies - he continues to make terrible life choices. Walsh is a keen observer of the malarkey-rife sport of football and is considered one of the leading voices on the Collin Samuel Obesity Epidemic.

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5 Comments

  1. I don’t think Leiweke deserves the grief and in some cases disrespect he is receiving. He was an employee and had a group of sophisticated bosses he reported to. He also operated in a highly political landscape. I thought he did a good job and has moved the needle forward for our sport in this area.

    TFC has become a team people elsewhere can laugh at and fear all at once. Where the team was once merely the, laugh stock of the league.

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    • I’d agree he’s done a very good job for his bosses, I’m sure the shareholders will be very happy to have their little soccer stadium turned into a multi functional corporate money vacuum. it’s good for the argos as well obviously, and in a way, good for the city.

      For TFC fans though, and this is a very tfcentric blog, what have we got out of it. Has our club become in any way better run and more professional in his time here? are we smarter with our cap management? is our scouting bringing in good under the radar players? or are we the same chaotic club but just throwing ever larger sums of money at the dp spots, cos that’s the one advantage we have, and goddamn they’re going to do whatever it takes to make this circus approach work, rather than do the hard work and do things the smart way.

      and in the meantime, our tinpot little stadium that was clearly in needs of improvement, but was at least very very focused on being a soccer stadium, has been transformed into something else entirely, TFC in no way needed any of the changes that have been done so far, maybe it won’t end up being that bad and our worst fears won’t be realised, but it’s certainly being put very much at risk, and none of the rewards are to do with tfc.

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      • Ohhhhh, be careful about complaints of the multi-use stadium at another blog or you will get patriarchal admonishments 🙂

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        • I guess we’re small enough to be flying under the radar of the partriarchal admonishers over here. probably for the best.

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  2. He “fixed” the Raptors (fell into mediocrity by accident when trying to tank)
    He “fixed” the Leafs by handing nonis and Carlyle extended deals despite them being utter garbage and so behind in the times
    He “fixed” TFC by throwing an ever-increasing pile of money at players not even worth half of it (don’t say Giovinco, he shouldn’t be the highest paid Italian player in the world) and reconstructing a stadium (which is the only way the Argos were getting in BTW) that wasn’t screaming out for bells and whistles all the while pretending the fans won’t have to pay for it eventually. He’s left a bunch of snakes in charge and I’m surprised he hasn’t gone full metal jacket and erected a statue of his friend Beckham outside like Mr al Fayed did at Craven Cottage.

    There’s your Brockway, North Haverbrook and Ogdenville for you all wrapped up in one neat little package. He even has the fucking “journalists” singing the fucking Monorail song for him as he runs toward a taxi with a briefcase full of money while the townspeople that have spotted the cracks in the foundation are lambasted for chasing after him!

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