THE STARTING 11: Reasons Why Opposition DPs Avoid Toronto

I'm so dreamy; and you'll never get to see me play.

I’m so dreamy; and you’ll never get to see me play.

This trend had its genesis way back in those halcyon MLS days known as “The Beckham Era”. For one reason or another, the biggest of the big-name opposition Designated Players had the rude habit of skipping out on the Toronto fixture. Fast forward ten glorious years and this frustrating occurrence (aka ultimate troll on away-kit glory hunters) continues with the likes of Pirlo and Gerrard not stepping onto BMO Field’s pitch. But why?

11. Canadian exchange rate doesn’t make them feel quite as grossly overpaid

10. After years of playing in Europe’s largest stadia, BMO Field’s famous canopies just too intimidating

9. Sharing a stadium with the NFL, NCAA, Major League Baseball and high school sports is one thing – but the CFL is just too much!

8. Raised eyebrows of passport officers when they read their date of birth is too embarrassing

7. Tony Pepperoni never gives free pizza to DPs

6. The mega-rich have no use for soft Canadian universal health care

5. Sarcastic fan base always changing what the acronym “DP” stands for

4. Tough to follow in pioneering DP Mista’s famous footsteps

3. Loud crowds wreak havoc on hearing aid settings

2. Once you’ve seen suburban Denver, what could possibly be left?

1. Seeing so many people wearing your old shirt is a harsh reminder of where you ended up

Author: Tony Walsh

Tony Walsh is a writer, former minor-league broadcaster and failed astronaut. Born into supporting an underachieving football club only to end up supporting a second underachieving football club - through what must be deemed as soft immigration policies - he continues to make terrible life choices. Walsh is a keen observer of the malarkey-rife sport of football and is considered one of the leading voices on the Collin Samuel Obesity Epidemic.

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2 Comments

  1. Kill the apostrophe dammit!!

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    • Done. Normally I catch those before posting but it was late/early. Thanks for the editorial support. 🙂

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