THE STARTING 11: TFC Goalkeeping Solutions

Posted By Tony Walsh on Dec 14, 2015 in Malarkey, Uncategorized | 1 comment

The Evolution of Konopdik

Goalkeepers. Rarely has Toronto FC had one that didn’t depart in odd or controversial circumstances. One wept while only wearing the tiniest of towels. After this season came to a close, most of us expected one of Joe Bendik or Chris Konopka to be jettisoned. So TFC scrapped them both. Ah. Ok then! The “braintrust” obviously has alternative (read: over-expensive) plans for the position but if that falls through, here are some alternative solutions to TFC’s gap in goal…

11. A giant glove glued lovingly onto Bitchy the Hawk’s plumage

10. Giant hill-divot after Friday night CFL games

9. Re-directed hot air from Tim Leiweke era blown towards attackers

8. A reunion tour of all the 2007 TFC keepers

7. An overactive section of South End retractable stands that shoots out into the goal area

6. The Godzilla-esque mutant creature “Konopdik”!

5. The new canopy unfurls giant XXX banners when opposing attackers break in on goal

4. Quillan Roberts (Just kidding – they’ll never give him a chance!)

3. Hilarious “Backwards Goal” prank

2. Loitering Argos’ practice-squad linebackers

1. 47% more stacks of your money