THE STARTING 11: Unheralded Acts of TFC Hard Labour



Happy Labour Day comrades! It’s not just the day when parents drunkenly celebrate their children getting the eff back to school but also a day where we throw off the shackles of our American oppressors and stand up for our right to spell “labour” with the letter “u”! Wourkers of the Wourld Unite! Despite years of little production output, Toronto FC is a club where many acts of hard labour have been undertaken. Like a coalmine but with inukshuks. Sadly, some of these strenuous acts and those workers responsible have gone unheralded – until now!

11. The former official team photographer who spent eight fruitless months trying to catch Preki’s smile out in the wild

10. The intern responsible for picking the green M&M’s out to fulfill Bitchy the Hawk’s demanding pre-match rider

9. The crew who had to lift Mista’s bags of gold bars onto a flight to Spain minutes after the last match of the season

8. The team laundry staff who has to remember to throw in red underwear in alongside Greg Vanney’s crisp white shirts to achieve maximum hues of pink

7. Miguel Aceval’s back-breaking wind sprints… away from the cops outside Club Escobar

6. The magical CFL paint removing elves (IN TRAINING)

5. The administrative assistant who had to remove the extra vowels from Raivis Hscanovics

4. The revolving door greaser

3. Jacob Peterson’s Canadian Social Studies tutor

2. The staff responsible for keeping Collin Samuel occupied in that difficult time between brunch and lunch

1. The management team who had the patience to see through a 9-year plan

Author: Tony Walsh

Tony Walsh is a writer, former minor-league broadcaster and failed astronaut. Born into supporting an underachieving football club only to end up supporting a second underachieving football club - through what must be deemed as soft immigration policies - he continues to make terrible life choices. Walsh is a keen observer of the malarkey-rife sport of football and is considered one of the leading voices on the Collin Samuel Obesity Epidemic.

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