THE STARTING 11: Ways TFC is Turning Japanese

He's a real student of the game

He’s a real student of the game

In the slightly re-arranged words of 80’s “supergroup” The Vapors: “They’re turning Japanese, we think they’re turning Japanese, at least we hope so”. Okay, TFC may not be fully embracing the Land of The Rising Sun quite yet but the 1st Round SuperDrafting of Japan’s own Tsubasa Endoh was manna from podcasting/punning heaven. While the diminutive Tokyo-born midfielder may not immediately make an impact we hope to one day have The South Stand re-named as The Endoh End. Of course, TFC PR never misses a chance to co-opt the tiniest feel-good story for the nefarious publicity purposes and there are already signs that the club is embracing our new Japanese overlords…

  1. Steven Beitashour forced to change name to Steven Betamax
  1. The awful North “Stand” patio party now only blasts J-pop hits
  1. Current manager replaced with mid-80’s prototype “VANNEYBot-1000”
  1. Sushi Butty
  1. The Tunnel Club littered with after hours, drunken businessmen singing karaoke
  1. Tactical training replaced by innovative “Wax on. Wax off” technique
  1. The canopies are mostly made of seaweed
  1. The new kit looks an awful lot like a Sailor Moon outfit
  1. Nintendo to announce that Sebastian Giovinco is the 3rd Mario Brother
  1. Players’ game-worn shorts to be sold through BMO Field vending machines
  1. Allocation Yen

Author: Tony Walsh

Tony Walsh is a writer, former minor-league broadcaster and failed astronaut. Born into supporting an underachieving football club only to end up supporting a second underachieving football club - through what must be deemed as soft immigration policies - he continues to make terrible life choices. Walsh is a keen observer of the malarkey-rife sport of football and is considered one of the leading voices on the Collin Samuel Obesity Epidemic.

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  1. My English cousin explained to me way back then what that Vapors song meant, totally inappropriate to say in today’s environment…totally.

    I bet Endoh is a Melt Banana fan, he dances to Surf’in USA.

    Melt Banana – Surf in USA

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