“Will BMO Field Break Or Bend?” – A Musical Tribute to Your Ignored Fears

TL Lyle

“You know a sports and entertainment group with a Major League Soccer club is a little like the mule with the spinning wheel. No one knows how they got it, and danged if they know how to use it.”

We know it’s a tough day in TFC Land. The breaking news that has, well, been breaking since 2006 was announced today and Reds’ supporters feel like their support is on borrowed time. Many of us have different levels of what we are willing to accept going forward. Some predict doom and ultimately gloom for the “soccer experience” while others think MLSE will pull off what no other stadium in the world has done to a 100% success rate. Neither side is right nor wrong – it will all come down to personal choice once we “wait and see”.

However, for you naysayers (welcome, I am your friend) we thought we’d release a transcript from a little publicized town hall meeting about the Argos to BMO drama which was marshalled entertainingly by a local businessman and entrepreneur named Lyle Lanweke. If a good old fashioned sing-song doesn’t allay your CFL pitch-chewing fears and you don’t feel all warm and fuzzy after then perhaps you’re not a “real” fan after all. Press play on the video and sing along to a tune that’s big in Brockway, Ogdenville and North Haverbrook…

Well fans, there’s nothing on earth
Like a genuine, bona fide
Multi-purpose, tin-can stadium
What’d I say?

Stadium!
What’s it called?
Stadium!
That’s right! Stadium

Stadium!
Stadium!
Stadium!

Us TFC fans’ have moans and whines
Don’t be scared of football lines!
CFL markings wash off with hose?
Apparently, who really knows?

Won’t this be a soccer bummer?
I don’t care, I’m gone this summer!
Were you sent here by the Devil?
Yes, below eight Bay Street levels!

What about the Five Year Plan?
Take down that banner, worthless man!
I swear it’s Toronto’s only choice,
Get used to it, don’t raise your voice!

Stadium!
What’s it called?
Stadium!
Once again
Stadium!

But TFC’s still cracked and broken…
Sorry rubes, MLSE has spoken!

Stadium!
Stadium!
Stadium!
Stadium!

Stadi…, Arg’oh!

Author: Tony Walsh

Tony Walsh is a writer, former minor-league broadcaster and failed astronaut. Born into supporting an underachieving football club only to end up supporting a second underachieving football club - through what must be deemed as soft immigration policies - he continues to make terrible life choices. Walsh is a keen observer of the malarkey-rife sport of football and is considered one of the leading voices on the Collin Samuel Obesity Epidemic.

Share This Post On

4 Comments

  1. about sums it up really. more promises and guarantees come along today and for sure it’ll be no problem. Certainly no reason to get upset now, that’s just silly. we should all wait and see. if there’s a problem down the line, then we should protest. of course at that point it’d be completely useless (to be fair, it’s been useless for a long time now, but fair play to those with the energy to keep protesting). Kurt Larson’s says he’ll be right there saying ‘we told you so’ if it does go wrong. which is fun, as he’d be one of the people I’d be saying that towards. he’s doing a very good job of putting forward the bigwigs arguments on twitter, so the bigwigs don’t have to do it themselves.

    and of course, if you’re thinking of dumping the club if this goes through, then you’re clearly not a real supporter. a real supporter supports blindly no matter what. which is easy to say when you’re one of the ones making money off this, rather than one of the ones paying, with money, time and emotions etc.

    Post a Reply
  2. Well the race is on. Which fan base will fill the stadium and generate the greatest revenue at BMO Field? Certainly the football crowd with more dates, tifos, drinking sessions before and after game and marches to the match have a real advantage over those grey-headed, tired, square walking-frame wielding CFL fans have. Mind you, the CFL IS the second largest American/Canadian football league in the world, that in a 2 league eco-space. This should be an interesting race to watch…now where is my walking-frame, I just can’t seem to remember?

    Post a Reply
    • revenues are going to be all tied together, along with grey cups and winter classics and all that sort of thing, big money’s in the corporate suites and they’ll get sold as a package, a large amount gets you all the games, so it’ll be difficult to say exactly who wins. either way, let the debates and shit talking begin, and never end.

      Post a Reply
  3. To borrow from yet another Simpsons episode song regarding P Tim Barnum: “yes he put the ass in (hybrid) grass field”

    Post a Reply

Leave a Reply to BigWullieStyle Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published.