THE STARTING 11: Lesser-known Details of the MLS “Core Player” Agreement

The Core

Don’t say them. Don’t you dare use those two little letters. Save them for high quality adult films! DAMN YOU! I heard it out there – yes you guys! You said “D and P”. Bastards. Well, you can say it all you want but ML and even S refuse to admit that the new “Core Player” is anything close to another DP slot. No! No way! Yes clubs can pay them way more and they are limited in supply but it will not be designated! No! It will be kept in the core of the club’s payroll along with these important other agreements…

11. Must always completely finish eating apples

10. Not allowed to use letters “D” or “P” on business cards

9. Player must wear big caps during all public appearances

8. If the Earth’s rotation falters they will need to journey to the centre of the planet to restart it with a series of nuclear blasts. (Sorry – that is a “Lesser-known Details of the Film “The Core” Agreements”)

7. Post-goal celebrations must be 25% less exciting than Designated Players’ celebrations

6. No Swedes

5. New York City FC and LA Galaxy can sign additional “Hard Core Players” and “Soft Core Players” depending on average age of attendance

4. Dudes on league-minimum salaries now referred to as “Chore Players”

3. Core Players on Montreal, Toronto and Vancouver can be paid in Canadian Tire money

2. Guys named Randy don’t count against the cap

1. Clubs can sign dos Santos… but NOT tres Santos

Author: Tony Walsh

Tony Walsh is a writer, former minor-league broadcaster and failed astronaut. Born into supporting an underachieving football club only to end up supporting a second underachieving football club - through what must be deemed as soft immigration policies - he continues to make terrible life choices. Walsh is a keen observer of the malarkey-rife sport of football and is considered one of the leading voices on the Collin Samuel Obesity Epidemic.

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  1. Caw!
    I look forward to finally seeing the official explanation of this rule and how it works and who it can be used on. I’m sure it’ll be another piece of pure MLS smoothness that will make perfect sense, and then be changed at the drop of a hat when some other club needs it to be changed to bring in someone else.

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    • Would have been nice when TFC had to get rid of Laba, or even Gilberto.

      “Chore players” – that is comedy gold right there

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      • Gilberto is still listed on loan to Vasco da Gama and he has 9 goals in 21 appearances. Saw him about 4-5 weeks ago on GolTV, is a force.

        I guess the cap or lack of interest is preventing him from being recalled. ‘Cause Defoe and his antics are long gone

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        • It would be cool if they could change Bradley into a “core player” and get Gilberto back as their 3rd DP. But then they’d have too many strikers to fit in with Jozy and Giovinco. I’m sure Bradley would love to be known as the core of the team though.

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          • From the rumored rules, it would take too much allocation money to get Bradley below the $1M mark. Gilberto’s $1.2M would more fit into the rules allowing $200K to pay down the wage under $1M.

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  2. We have had plenty of Chore Players here.

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