THE STARTING 11: Other Available Front Office Jobs for Retired TFC Players

“Yeah we may have a few… thousand… available.”

“Yeah we may have a few… thousand… available.”

If Toronto FC had their own version of “The Disappeared” it would be the long, seemingly unending, list of veteran players who get “retired” by the club mid-season. While most of the players have been admittedly in the twilight of their careers, there has often been a foggy mystery to their sudden decision to leave the game. Often predicated by a lengthy and murky spell, these grizzled vets eventually fade away rather than burn out. From Dichio to Brennan and most recently Steven Caldwell, these long-serving men walked away after realizing they couldn’t play at this level any longer – and never due to TFC’s awful cap management. Never. That would be crazy. Crazy. Either way, they at least left the pitch with a job at the club but there are only a few left for future retirees…

11. Pandering Free Beer Delivery Logistics Manager

10. Inukshuk Inventory Manager

9. Assistant Regional Butty Quality Control

8. Altidore-man

7. Wall of Honour Giant T-Shirt Laundry Manager

6. Band of Allegiance Head of De-Tangling

5. Director of Trophy Maintenance (Pending)

4. Vice-President of Future Forced Retirements

3. LeiwekeWasher

2. Assistant to the Regional Cap Wonk

1. Argonaut Greeter

Author: Tony Walsh

Tony Walsh is a writer, former minor-league broadcaster and failed astronaut. Born into supporting an underachieving football club only to end up supporting a second underachieving football club - through what must be deemed as soft immigration policies - he continues to make terrible life choices. Walsh is a keen observer of the malarkey-rife sport of football and is considered one of the leading voices on the Collin Samuel Obesity Epidemic.

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  1. Does the Argonaut Greeter report to the Argonaut Stadium Decor Specialist?

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